Suicide
Listen: “Rain” by grandson & Jessie Reyes (from The Suicide Squad)
I understand suicidal thoughts now more than I ever did when I was a full time pastor. I have found myself reflecting on the unprecedented suicide epidemic in America this week. A few days ago I heard the tragic news about Luke Aaron Sickman (July 4, 1983- September 20, 2021) ending his life. Luke was a Facebook friend, and I met Luke at Vineyard Church when I was Senior Pastor. When I heard of Luke’s death, I checked my Facebook messages from Luke. He friended me on Instagram and Facebook in June of 2020 when I was recovering from a broken collarbone due to a cycling accident. My last correspondence from him was on June 28, 2020. Here is our chat:
Hey pastor Fred! How was your week? (Luke)
It was good. What are you up to? (Me)
Oh not much these days. I started my own electrical company a couple months ago. Which has been going well. I might have already told you that on Instagram. However it’s been going so well I cherish the times when I slow down for a bit. Lol how is your collar bone feeling? (Luke)
Ok. Good to know. Still sore but definitely progressing. (Me)
I am glad you’re progressing. Also glad we have reconnected. Anything I can pray for you about? (Luke)
Well thanks for asking. Still seeking guidance for my future (Me)
Sounds good. I will add that to my list! God has the most amazing thing for you! I believe that! I can’t wait to hear about your blessing! (Luke)
Luke was upbeat. He was encouraging me and praying for me. I am so grateful for his demonstration of love and kindness. I wasn’t aware of his struggle. I wish he would have reached out.
As I was reflecting on Luke’s life and kindness, I remembered my darkest days in 2018 and 2019. When I went to rehab in November of 2018, I was experiencing some of the darkest days in my life. I was detoxing off Xanax and alcohol, taking four rehab drugs which I had to detox off of after rehab, and realizing that I was losing everything—my marriage, my career, my church community, my financial security, and my faith. I had a panic attack for the first time in my life and one of the doctors interviewed me and asked me if I was suicidal. I didn’t know what to say. I had never had suicidal thoughts in my life. I told the doctor I felt dark and lost, almost engulfed in darkness, but if a gun was next to me I wouldn’t kill myself.
The doctor decided to put me on suicide watch for a few days, which means someone followed me around in rehab 24/7 for a few days. A lady sat by my bed all night long and followed me to the bathroom in the middle of the night. She was very pleasant, but I felt humiliated. Not knowing I was a pastor who had studied the Bible my whole life, taught the Bible my whole life, and earned multiple theological degrees, she handed me a Bible and encouraged me to read it. She said it might help me. I told her “Thank you. I’ll take a look at it.”
When I returned home from rehab, things didn’t get much better. I had signed the resignation documents my board of directors gave me while in rehab and my wife had filed for divorce while I was in rehab. I had to put my house up for sale and hire a divorce lawyer when I got back home. If “10” is on top of the world and everything is great and “1” is suicidal thoughts streaming, I was a “2.” I was humiliated—full of anger, shame, and self-loathing. I didn’t want to go out in public; I thought about moving out of Kansas City; and I felt like I had hurt, offended, or disappointed thousands of people in Kansas City and around the world. Yeah, the thought crossed my mind everyday when I woke in a cloud of darkness: “Maybe everybody would be better off without me around.” I never had an actual plan to end it all, but it was dark. Ugh!
The last two years I have talked, listened, and counseled with people who have either attempted suicide or thought about it seriously (suicidal ideation). It’s an epidemic in America and the tenth leading cause of death in America. Middle aged white males account for about 69% of suicide deaths in America. Please share this blog with anyone you know who has struggled with suicidal thoughts. Here are a few simple, but powerful steps to take if you are struggling.
Talk to someone. Isolation is one of the biggest warning signs. By isolation, I mean not talking about it with someone. You can be going to work, talking with family, and holding it together on the outside, but if you don’t talk to someone specifically about your suicidal thoughts with which you are struggling you won’t get the help you need. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7. Call it now (800-273-8255)!
Seek professional help. The stigma around seeing a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist is slowly fading in our culture. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist for general anxiety disorder and insomnia. It’s not a lack of faith to access health professionals. God works through people trained in the healing arts, so don’t avoid professional help and take your meds!
Dark days don’t last forever. The dark feelings can be overwhelming, even paralyzing, like you are frozen in fear, hopelessness, and darkness. It can hang on for days, and ebb and flow over your lifetime. If you force yourself to go to a support group meeting and share with other people who are struggling, you will be amazed at how much a group of supporting people will lift your spirits. Drinking and drugging will only make matters worse, so simply google a support group near you. Type in: “AA support group near me,” or “suicide support group near me.” You’ll be glad you did.
Text or call me. Tell me with what you are struggling, and I will help network you with people who can support you. Seriously. My cell is: 816-769-2206. I love you!
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
A Daily Reprieve
Listen: “Breaking the Habit” by Linkin Park
Most everybody I know has struggled with difficult emotions like fear, anxiety, anger, guilt, and shame, or an addiction of some kind. Substance addictions could include alcohol, abuse of prescription drugs, street drugs, and food issues like overeating, bingeing, and purging. Behavioral addictions could include compulsive cleaning, gambling, shopping, working, exercising, caregiving, gossiping, hoarding, sexual activity, internet gaming, and social media use. All addictions are behavioral even if a substance is involved and seek to active a dopaminergic surge for the primitive brain.
I tend to think of an addiction as a pattern of behavior in which we engage to comfort ourselves in order to avoid stress, pain, or emotional discomfort. The behavior becomes repetitive, and winds up continuing the behavior to deal with the discomfort of withdrawal from the prior attempt at euphoria. Its long term consequences can result in emotional, relational, financial, or physical damage. We can end up hurting ourselves and others. Not all habits for dealing with stress and discomfort are destructive (healthy habits are vital), but addictions are always destructive in the long run.
The addictive behaviors are typically not the problem, but often the symptom result of a long standing deeper emotional issue. This is why emotions like fear, anxiety, anger, guilt, and shame need to be processed. Most of the substances and behaviors I have just mentioned, with a few exceptions, can be used and practiced in a healthy way. In the case of alcohol and drugs, the substance itself can become a major part of the problem. However, once the physical addiction is broken, the deeper emotional issues must be processed and healed.
This is why true recovery is a spiritual journey. The addictive behavior and the underlying emotions take control, occupy our mind, defend their territory, create reasons for their existence, and demand ultimate allegiance. We become a slave to the addiction and the underlying emotions, and we will defend them to our own detriment which can sometimes include death.
The struggle for emotional health and freedom is a spiritual process. Spirituality is connection to self, others, and something greater than us that is loving and caring. Our addictions are “cunning, baffling, and powerful” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). This is why AA and other Twelve Step programs emphasize the spiritual nature of recovery. The Big Book of AA says: “What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. ‘How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.’ These are thoughts which must go with us constantly” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 85).
Daily surrender to your higher power is an important spiritual practice. Some people start each day with “please.” “Please help me stay sober and do your will this day.” Many of these same people end each day with gratitude. Thanking God for the blessings of the day however small, simple, or ordinary the blessing might be. Gratitude is a spiritual practice.
We need daily spiritual practices to maintain a healthy spiritual condition. Practices like prayer, meditation, service, support groups, spiritual reading, journaling, daily reflections, gratitude list, and small groups function like daily nourishment for our soul. We need daily food for our spiritual hunger.
I have found that the more powerful the addiction, the more important it is to build an abundance of spiritual practices into our daily routines. One of the spiritual practices which is especially important for defeating the toughest addictions and emotional struggles is the practice of rigorous honesty with others. Call it confession or sharing with a trusted friend, sponsor, or therapist. Some of the most powerful addictions only begin to lose their power when we get honest and share our struggles with another person. It’s especially powerful when we share with someone who has struggled with the same issue and found a way out. For example, the brilliance of the AA Twelve Step program is alcoholics talking to alcoholics and sharing their experience, strength, and hope.
In essence, we build community and vulnerability around our shared addictions and struggles. This has a magical power to heal our deepest wounds. We find a daily reprieve in a refreshing stream of grace-based community.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Reprocessing Anger into Grace
Listen: “Praying” by Kesha
Throughout most of my life, I have never been someone who harbored anger or bitterness in my heart towards people, even people who hurt or offended me. I’d rather forgive, love, and pray a blessing—in essence, take the high road. However, in these last couple of years, I have actually had to consciously, consistently choose to walk in forgiveness and grace towards myself and others. It’s been a challenging part of my faith journey for the first time in my life.
There are several varieties of anger. Anger can have a positive and adaptive force in life. For example, we typically respond with anger to real or perceived injustices. Many important and powerful actions for justice and compassion have emerged out of anger towards injustice, like the civil rights movements in America and around the world. However, anger can also devolve into personal resentments and bitterness which destroy the person harboring them.
In the twelve step recovery community, people come to step four and do a moral inventory as a part of their recovery journey: “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” At the top of the list is dealing with resentments. “Resentment is the ‘number one’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual diseases, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 64). One doesn’t need to be an alcoholic to identify with this statement.
As people in recovery know so well, resentments and bitterness do more harm to the person harboring them, than to the people they wish to hurt or avenge. Several versions of this important idea have been attributed to various people. Buddha is attributed with saying, “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Mandela is attributed with saying, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Anne Lamont said, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” (I’ve even read a version of this attributed to Saint Augustine.)
In my mind, the most challenging version of this idea comes from Jesus. In his famous Sermon on the Plain message, Jesus says: “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you” (Luke 6:27-28; NLT). Early in my life, I would have thought of my enemies as people who were far away. Maybe people from other countries whom we were fighting or terrorists after 9/11. As a pastor, I began to realize that our enemies are the people for whom we harbor bitterness and resentments. Our enemies might be our spouse, our child, our co-worker, our friend, or our former spouse. Usually people who are very close to us.
Love your enemy is easily one of the most challenging ethical commands ever floated into the universe. How in the world do we do that? Revenge or retaliation, get-even or an eye-for-an-eye come so much more naturally and effortlessly. And yet, they deteriorate the human soul. Practically, how do we practice loving our enemy? How do we turn anger into grace?
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. It’s a process. It’s a choice. It doesn’t come through gossip or backbiting or triangulating. A trusted friend, sponsor, or therapist is a good resource for processing with honesty as long as they are removed from the situation. Journaling is another option for processing and healing.
I recently ran across a story in the Big Book of AA which I thought was interesting. The story is entitled “Freedom from Bondage.” At the age of seven, the woman in the story was suddenly abandoned by both of her parents and sent to live with her grandparents whom she felt were strangers. The woman spent the next many years harboring anger and resentments which contributed to multiple divorces and alcoholism. Once she got into AA, she began working the steps. She came to a point in the program in which she knew she needed to forgive her mom—a twenty-five year grudge. The day she decided she needed to let go of her resentment she came upon a magazine article by a clergyman on resentment. Here’s how it read:
He said, in effect: “If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 552).
The woman tried it and said it worked. Sometimes she had to ask for the willingness, but it continued to work in other situations. So maybe this is one way of “blessing those who curse us.” So challenging. Perhaps even liberating.
Life is quite short. Why spend it drinking poison? We all need love, forgiveness, and grace. Why not spend our lives being agents of grace, instead of purveyors of hatred and revenge? Revenge leaves us all blind, repeating the cycle hurt and retaliation, until we all stumble in the darkness. We long for grace that heals and grace that liberates. God, forgive us our debts (trespasses, sins) as we forgive our debtors.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Vulnerability and Shame
Listen: “Creep” by Radiohead
Shame is a universal condition which affects the human soul. Shame is debilitating, and in its extreme forms can lead to isolation, self-medicating, and suicidal ideation. According to Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It is an emotion that affects all of us and profoundly shapes the way we interact with ourselves, others, and our higher power.
Brené believes there is an important difference between shame and guilt. According to Brené, guilt is adaptive and helpful—guilt relates to something we have done or failed to do in relationship to our values. However, shame is never helpful or productive. Shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure.
Shame reveals itself in several ways. One of the ways we experience shame is feeling never good enough. For women, shame is imperfection in a world of “look perfect, be perfect, do perfect.” For mothers, it’s being judged by other mothers. It’s never enough at home, at work, in bed, with my parents, or with my kids. Shame is never enough. For men, shame is failure—failure at work, in your marriage, in bed, with money, with your children. For men, showing fear, revealing weakness, being wrong, or being criticized are shameful experiences.
Another way shame reveals itself is through an unwanted story or identity. It could be a story of abuse, failure, unwanted exposure, weakness, or imperfection. At a deep level, we feel flawed and unworthy of love and connection. Shame makes us feel small, like we want to become invisible and disappear.
In 2012, Brené Brown did a TED talk entitled “The Power of Vulnerability.” She shared about how this current generation of American adults are the most in-debt, obese, and over-medicated group in our country’s history. We try to numb the emotions with which we are uncomfortable. The problem is, according to the research, we cannot selectively numb emotion. Brené says: “You can’t say, here’s the bad stuff. Here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.”
Vulnerability is the pathway to healing shame. It seems counterintuitive. Why would anyone want to open up and expose the places in their heart for which they are most ashamed? This is, unfortunately, one of the natural human impulses that hinders healing. Brené says, “When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.”
There is an art to vulnerability. Finding a friend, a therapist, or a group of people who will listen to our story with loving support and connection is a powerful step towards healing shame. Sometimes people overshare in an effort to drive people away and reinforce their own sense of unworthiness and isolation. Oversharing is not the practice of vulnerability. However, finding a support group is a wonderful option. One of the positive aspects of living in a large city is the availability of support groups. A person can simply google the issue with which they are struggling, and there is a high probability that a support group exists around that issue. A therapist and a close friend are also great places to start a practice of vulnerability. That’s what it is—a practice or habit. We are only as sick as our secrets, so vulnerability is a vital step towards health and healing.
I remember when I read Brené’s book, Daring Greatly, for the first time. She ended one of her chapters (“Understanding and Combating Shame”) with a passage from a 1922 children’s classic The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. It’s a reminder of how much easier it is to be real when we are loved. Here’s the passage:
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “ or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
The Blue River
Listen: Dana Masters—Medley: At Last/Blue Skies
I’m drawn to rivers, especially mountain rivers. This morning (August 2021) I was sitting by the Blue River north of Silverthorne, Colorado. I was journaling, reading, reflecting, and meditating by the river. Last week I was doing the same thing by the Missouri River. The Blue River flows out of Dillon Reservoir and eventually joins the Colorado River near Kremmling, Colorado. It’s a crystal clear mountain river and designated a Gold Medal trout stream by the state of Colorado.
While I was sitting by the river, my thoughts were streaming. Same old racing mind with which I have lived my whole life. Vascilating thoughts—hope, fear, dreams, anxiety, strategic plans, to-do lists. Then I focus on the stream and the water flowing past me. My thoughts are much like the river—flowing through me. I turn my thoughts toward God and the beauty of this mountain vista. I focus on the smell of the pine trees, the cool morning breeze, and the little chipmunk scurrying around me.
I read a few lines from a little book of meditations by Richard Rohr entitled Just This. The section I happen to read is “thoughts versus awareness.” Richard writes: “In The Interior Castle, St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) says, ‘I came to realize by experience that thinking is not the same thing as mindfulness [what I call awareness]…. I had not been able to understand why, if the mind is one of the faculties of the soul, it is sometimes so restless. Thoughts fly around so fast that only God can anchor them.’” I’m strangely comforted by the idea that St. Teresa had a similar experience with her thoughts as I have with mine.
Then I stumble across another meditation from Richard Rohr in a section called “neither clinging nor opposing.” Richard gives this advice: “Listen honestly to yourself. Listen to whatever thought or feeling arises. Listen long enough to ask, ‘Why am I thinking this?’” This is something I have been practicing every day for a couple of years—listening to my thoughts and feelings with open curiosity—instead of judging and suppressing them. What do I need to learn from them? Richard continues: “If you can allow your thoughts and feelings to pass through you, neither clinging to them nor opposing them—and without ever expecting perfect success—I promise that you will come to a deeper, wider, and wiser place.”
So I let the blues flow through me. All the grief and losses I have experienced the last couple of years don’t have to pool up and drown me. They can flow through me, “neither clinging to them nor opposing them.” I can listen, learn, and grow. I can dream new dreams and experience the flow of new life—a flow that cleanses and heals and refreshes. I think I’ll immerse myself in this crystal clear blue steam of life.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Down By the Riverside
Listen: The Call “I Still Believe” (Live) ft. Robert Levon Been
Last Sunday evening I sat by the Missouri River at EH Young Riverfront Park in Riverside, Missouri. I sat by the river to simply reflect and meditate. Even though I often appear to be calm and relaxed, my mind is always racing. Thinking. Thinking. Always thinking. Thinking about the future. Thinking about the past. Thinking about Spirituality Adventures. Sometimes positive and hopeful, and sometimes doubtful and fearful. Why am I here? Is there a God? Does God still have a plan for me? Will God be my provider? What is God’s will for my life?
I want to acknowledge my anxious, fearful thoughts and surrender them. Let go of them. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to nature, to wind, to earth, to sun, to water. Surrender to God, to the Universe. I give up. I let go. I give in. I surrender. Grateful for the moment, for life, for the gift of life.
It’s a beautiful evening—an unusual cold front for August in Missouri. The humidity is low. The breeze is blowing. Waves are lapping. My body and back are tingling with energy as I sit and reflect. Evening sun is beating down. The cicadas are singing. My body is present. Thankful for the moment.
A song comes to mind as I watch the river flow. It’s an old African-American spiritual: “Gonna lay down my burden, down by the riverside, down by the riverside, down by the riverside. I ain’t gonna study war no more.” It’s a baptism of sorts. An immersion into the sounds, and sights, and smells of this riverside moment.
A second song comes to mind. One of my favorite songs of all time—“I Still Believe.” It was released by The Call in 1986 one year before it was used in the 1987 vampire flick Lost Boys. The song was written by their lead singer, Michael Been, and keyboard player, Jim Goodwin and reached #17 on the Modern Rock chart. It was also covered by Russ Taff in 1987 and the Protomen in 2015. It’s an incredible song about believing in the dark.
I’ve been in a cave
For forty days
Only a spark
To light my way.
I want to give out
I want to give in
This is our crime
This is our sin
Certainly a reference to Israel’s forty years of wandering in the wilderness, and Jesus’ forty days of temptation in the wilderness. “Forty days” serving as a metaphor for the dark days, months, or years through which people journey. The song vacillates between describing dark days and then the struggle for faith and the surrender to believe.
But I still believe
I still believe
Through the pain
And through the grief
Through the lives
Through the storms
Through the cries
And through the wars
Oh, I still believe
Flat on my back
Out at sea
Hopin these waves
Don’t cover me
I’m turned and tossed
Upon the waves
When the darkness comes
I feel the grave
But I still believe
I still believe
Through the cold
And through the heat
Through the pain
And through the tears
Through the crowds
And through the cheers
Oh, I still believe
This song has always comforted me. When I hear it, the brutal honesty and the passionate cry washes over me. The surrender to walk by faith in the dark even when you can’t see or feel what you are longing for.
For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get
Oh, I still believe
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Was Jesus Irreligious?
Listen: “Jesus Walks” by Kanye West (Clear Channel Stripped)
An irreligious person is someone who is hostile or indifferent towards “religion.” So what is meant by “religion”? How we define religion will determine whether or not Jesus was irreligious. Religion is a difficult word to define because it has taken on popular overtones that are largely negative in American culture today. When you look at the dictionary definition, “religion” means a reverence for and belief in God or gods. Its Latin root means “to bind” or “connect.” So religion can be used in a positive sense as describing someone who is devoted to God/gods and one who practices compassionate connection with others (as in, love God and love your neighbor). Most people in today’s culture would call this “spirituality,” instead of “religion.”
In popular American culture, “religion” has come to mean an organized, rigid, dogmatic set of beliefs which, in particular, have injured and harmed people. In some situations, the offense comes from an emphasis on rigid rules over against loving relationship. In other situations, religion is seen as an oppressive force for violence, hatred, exclusion, conformity, tribalism, rejection, control, and unkindness. (Check out my blog entitled “Spirituality Adventures” for the difference between “spirituality” and “religion.”)
So was Jesus irreligious? I believe he was extremely irreligious, and he was perceived as being irreligious by many of the religious leaders of his time. Many of Jesus’ teachings were irreligious and many of his actions were irreligious. While Jesus passionately taught people to love God and love people, he was hostile to certain expressions of religion.
Jesus was hostile towards religious practices that divided people into clean and unclean groups instead of grace-based community. The setting for three of Jesus’ most famous parables reads: “Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!” (Luke 15:1-2; NLT). So Jesus tells three of his most beloved parables to further infuriate the religious leaders—The Parable of the Lost Sheep, The Parable of the Lost Coin, and The Parable of the Prodigal Son. Jesus believed grace-base community cleanses and heals.
Jesus was hostile towards religious practices that valued rigid rules instead of loving relationship. In The Parable of the Two Lost Sons (aka The Prodigal Son in Luke 15), the younger son breaks all the rules and the older son keeps all the rules. However, both sons are alienated from the father and both sons dishonor the father, only for different reasons. The “rule breaker” leaves home, hits rock bottom, and returns to the father with a humble heart; the “rule keeper” stays home, swells with anger, and injures the father with a resentful heart. Jesus believed costly love and grace could mend broken relationships.
Jesus was hostile towards religious practices that focus on dead ritual instead of compassion. In The Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:29-37), Jesus told a story about a Jewish priest and a Levite (religious leaders) who came upon a man who had been robbed, beaten, and left for dead. The religious leaders passed by and didn’t help because they feared they would become ceremonially unclean if they touched a dead man, plus they didn’t know if the man was Jewish or not. A Samaritan man (people whom Jews discriminated against) finds the man and displays costly love to help the man. The Samaritan becomes the hero of the story. Jesus believed it was more important to show compassion and costly love to a fellow human being than rigidly adhere to religious purity rituals.
Jesus was hostile towards religious practices that excluded people based on social status, lifestyle, or nationality instead of radical inclusion. In The Parable of the Great Banquet Feast (Luke 14:15-24), Jesus tells of a wealthy nobleman who invites an elite list of guests to his dinner party. The elite guests make lame excuses for not attending. The nobleman tells his servant to go out and invite the outcasts and misfits of Israel who could never return the favor. Then the nobleman goes a step further and tells the servant to go out beyond the borders of Israel and, in essence, invite people of other nationalities and religious beliefs (the Gentiles) to the dinner party. Jesus believed that God’s grace-based kingdom would include the outcasts, the misfits, the marginalized, and the strangers from around the world—a kingdom of radical inclusion.
So yes. Jesus was radically irreligious in his teachings and in his actions. I will be doing a new series of biblical teaching entitled “Irreligious Parables of Jesus.” You can purchase a download in the Spirituality Adventures online store. It comes with a set of discussion questions for personal or group study. Jesus is an amazing example of how to live in love and avoid the pitfalls of dead religion.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Sweet Surrender
Listen: “Sweet Surrender” by John Denver
I admit it. I am a John Denver fan. In fact, he was my favorite singer/songwriter in my early teens. I graduated from John Denver to progressive rock like Yes, ELP, Jethro Tull, and Pink Floyd, but I never lost my love for John Denver. When I am driving out to Colorado and see the mountains first appear from I-70, I will usually play “Rocky Mountain High” and an assortment of other John Denver tunes (and some Johnny Cash). I have always appreciated the way John Denver captured a love for nature in his music. It’s one of his most prominent musical themes. His song “Sweet Surrender” came to mind as I was pondering the spiritual concept of “surrender.”
Over the last couple of years, I have been in meetings where people were talking about their “Higher Power.” In these recovery meetings, people come from a variety of backgrounds—atheists, agnostics, Hindus, Buddhists, Native American spirituality, Jews, Muslims, Christians—but all of them have grappled with the concept of a “Higher Power.” Belief in a Higher Power doesn’t come easy for everyone, but people in recovery have come to admit that they are powerless over a particular substance or destructive behavior and that their lives have become unmanageable. In other words, all of their efforts to manage and control their addiction have failed.
This admission leads people in recovery to wrestle with step two and three in the Twelve Step program: (2) Came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity; (3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. For some people, this is fraught with difficulty. It’s really about surrendering our lives to something we can’t see. It’s about giving up control. Most people don’t want to admit that they are defeated, that they have failed to manage their lives successfully. Most people come reluctantly, “kicking and screaming” so to speak. Nobody shows up at a recovery meeting when things are going great.
It’s interesting to hear how people from various backgrounds describe their Higher Power. Some choose the recovery group itself—a community of people who are loving and caring. Some people choose the spiritual aspects of nature—the wonder, beauty, grace, and magic of planet earth and the Universe. Some people choose a universal life-force—an energy that connects everything. Some people choose God from one of the three monotheistic traditions—Islam, Judaism, or Christianity. (Many Christian Twelve Step groups choose Jesus as their Higher Power.)
Despite these differing conceptions of a Higher Power, every person must decide to surrender. Give up. Loose control. It can be challenging for just about anyone. I can think of biblical stories where individuals struggled with God—Jacob wrestling with God, Moses at the burning bush, Jonah in the belly of the whale, Jesus praying in the garden, Paul knocked off his horse. Even the heroes of faith struggled with surrender.
Let’s face it. Surrender doesn’t come easy. As Richard Rohr has stated: “Letting go is not in anybody’s program for happiness, and yet all mature spirituality, in one sense or another, is about letting go and unlearning” (Breathing Under Water by Richard Rohr, p. 6). Even when our present situation is not working, we would rather try our own way with a slightly different twist. We just might make it work. “We would rather be ruined than change. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the present and let our illusions die” (W.H. Auden, “Apropos of Many Things”).
I have found that new situations in life and new seasons in life necessitate fresh surrender. Surrender is certainly a choice, but it’s a choice that can slip and fade over time. Surrender needs to be practiced, renewed, and refreshed with each season and circumstance of life. Yesterday’s surrender does not constitute a slam dunk for tomorrow. We can so easily return to our own devices, vices, and demise.
And yet, there is a relief that comes with surrender. A certain release of internal pressure, emotional pain, and anxiety that comes when we tap out and admit defeat. I’m done. I give up. I surrender. “If you are out there God, I surrender all.” In the words of a classic Christian hymn, “All to Jesus I surrender, make me Savior wholly thine. May Thy Holy Spirit fill me. May I know Thy power divine. I surrender all.”
And for those who love nature and adventure, there is a sweet surrender for which we all yearn. It’s a doorway to freedom.
Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Traveled by many remembered by few
Lookin’ for something that I can believe in
Lookin’ for something that I’d like to do with my life
There’s nothin’ behind me and nothin’ that ties me to
Something that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open, right now it seems to be more that enough
To just be here today, and I don’t know
What the future is holdin’ in store
I don’t know where I’m goin’ I’m not sure where I’ve been
There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin’ I don’t need to see the end
Sweet, sweet surrender, live, live without care
Like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
One Day at a Time
Listen: “One Day at a Time” by Merle Haggard
I’m a visionary thinker. It’s always been one of my strengths when it comes to leadership. Three to five year plans came easy for me. I felt like God had given me a vision; I developed strategic plans to accomplish that vision; and I had the determination to develop a team and execute the plan. You always had to break a three to five year plan into manageable, actionable parts. You eventually worked it back to a daily plan. What do I need to do today in order to accomplish the visionary, strategic plan?
Since my three-quarter life crisis, long-term plans have been challenging. I am not pastoring a church, but I am trying to follow God’s leadership through my heart as I start Spirituality Adventures. Sometimes it feels like very small steps. Sometimes it feels like two steps forward and three steps backwards. Sometimes it’s simply—One Day at a Time.
One Day at a Time can feel very frustrating to me. Especially on the days when I feel like I make zero progress or like the vision is vanishing. I like progress and momentum. I like it when I feel like I am accomplishing short-term and long-term goals. (There are some great examples of faith-based goal setting in the Bible, like Nehemiah.)
However, I am learning that there are times when One Day at a Time is good enough or maybe even preferred. In fact, I am learning to be present in the moment and be grateful. (Truly learning. I suck at this!) Several faith traditions emphasize the importance of One Day at a Time.
Take for example, the Exodus story in the Hebrew Bible. After Israel crossed the Red Sea and began their journey in the wilderness, God supernaturally provided bread from heaven for them to eat. “Then the LORD said to Moses, “Look, I’m going to rain down food from heaven for you. Each day the people can go out and pick up as much food [bread] as they need for that day. I will test them in this to see whether or not they will follow my instructions” (Exodus 16:4; NLT). Notice they could only collect food (bread) “for that day.” If they tried to store up for the next day, the bread would spoil. Why? The passage says it was a test from God. Would they trust in God’s provision daily? Would they follow his instructions daily? Evidently, they needed to learn to receive each day with fresh faith. Each day is a gift to be received—a provision for which to be grateful—One Day at a Time.
Jesus also taught the importance of living One Day at a Time. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught people to practice the art of receiving each day as a gracious gift while avoiding the pitfalls of anxiety over material possessions. Jesus taught: “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your Heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries” (Matthew 6:25-27, 34; NLT).
One Day at a Time is a bedrock principle in Alcoholics Anonymous. The first AA group was started in Akron, Ohio. Bill W and Dr. Bob were meeting with Bill D in the hospital in 1935 (the three founders of the first AA group). Bill D couldn’t imagine going the rest of his life without a drink. According to Bill D: “The next question they asked was, ‘You can quit twenty-four hours, can’t you?’ I said, ‘Sure, yes, anybody can do that, for twenty-four hours.’ They said, ‘That’s what we’re talking about. Just twenty-four hours at a time’” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 188). The camel has become a symbol for AA members because the camel can go twenty-four hours without a drink. Sobriety is achieved One Day at a Time. Can you make it one day? Can you find the strength, support, and provision you need to get through one day without using? Life can be so challenging, and we feel like we are going to fall apart. Sometimes its even one moment at a time.
My mind is always racing—racing about the past and the future. Sometimes my mind is full of hopes and dreams, and sometimes its full of anxiety and doubt. (Yes, I have always struggled with anxiety. Sometimes my prayers are anxious prayers. Ugh.) While I was in rehab, I was introduced to mindfulness meditation. It’s a little different than the meditation I had practiced for years. I had always practiced meditation by focusing on a phrase or passage of scripture, mulling it over in my mind, and thinking about how to apply it to my life. Good stuff. But mindfulness meditation was different. It focused on the moment and learning to calm my anxious thoughts. What is my breath doing? What is my body saying to me? What am I feeling? What’s going on in my immediate surroundings? Why is my mind racing? Of what am I afraid? Can I calm myself? Can I surrender to the moment and receive it as a gift? With all my fears and sadness, hopes and dreams, can I simply breath and be grateful? For this moment? For the gift of life—in this moment, as it is? Without trying to change it or manipulate it? In the Genesis story of creation, humanity is shaped from dust, but humanity comes to life when God breathes into the nostrils. Dust and breath. Grateful—for breath! For this moment. Try it. Breath.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Spirituality Adventures—Hopes & Dreams
Listen: “The Impossible Dream” by Josh Groban
I have three unique challenges as I see it, and many more on which I won’t focus. First challenge: emerging out of my own chaos with fresh hopes and dreams. Second challenge: starting a new nonprofit in the middle of a pandemic. Third challenge: casting a vision for a ministry that is outside the church box. Despite the challenges, this is what I feel called to do.
Spirituality Adventures is born out of my forty years of pastoral experience coupled up with my recent work in the recovery community. After founding Vineyard Church in 1990 and leading it to dynamic growth through 2018 (growth from 5 to over 5,000), I went through a personal crisis. My personal crisis was prominently published in the Kansas City Star and religious newsfeeds around the world. In 2019, I lost my thirty-seven year marriage, my church community, my vocation, and, in some ways, my faith (my faith felt shattered).
Through the support of family, friends, recovery groups, and therapists, I began to re-envision my calling from God. A friend encouraged me to start posting my thoughts and story every day on social media. I was also reading some books which focused on creative opportunities that can emerge through adversity, the things you love, and life experiences. This was in February 2020 before news of the pandemic was universally disseminated. When I thought in terms of content I wanted to share with people, Spirituality Adventures came into focus. Through podcasts, blogs, interviews, and teaching, I would provide non-judgmental spaces to explore spiritual growth.
Spirituality Adventures began publishing a weekly blog and podcast in October of 2020. I also also started my website and became accessible on social media for the first time since my crisis in 2018. These blogs and podcasts have been posted to our website, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube as well as Apple, Google, and Spotify podcast platforms. It has been amazing to me how many people we have touched in the first nine months. Here is a visual:
Our demographics range from ages 21 to 65+ with the largest percentage being females ages 25 to 45. Our website has had over 15,000 organic page visits in the last 7 months. Much to my surprise, I have given pastoral care and counseling to over one thousand individuals in the last nine months. Our Facebook page alone has reached 7,766 people in the last 15 days (first two weeks of July 2021).
My heart is to connect with people who identify as spiritual but not religious. This is a very broad and diverse group of people. In my immediate circle of connections, it would include people in the recovery community, people who have left the church for various reasons, people of differing faith traditions, and people who love Jesus (in or out of the church) but aren’t very uptight, judgmental, or religious. I have been a Jesus follower and Bible teacher for forty years, but I am enjoying the new opportunities to reach new groups of people that have opened up because of my personal/public crisis.
Currently, my blogs and podcasts are available online and/or through email for no charge. My biblical teaching series—“Extravagant Grace” and soon to be released “Irreligious Parables of Jesus”—are available by download through the online store. Events will be publicized online. All of the small groups I currently lead/facilitate are closed groups. This may change in the future. If you know someone who needs a recovery group, have them email me. I will also be leading a mentoring group for people giving at the $200/month donor tier. I also do short-term pastoral care for people without charge.
While I am pastoring, teaching, mentoring, and influencing a bunch of people, I am not doing a traditional church with traditional “tithers” as my support base. I need a financial support team to continue offering the services I have been providing for the last nine months and expanding on those services. Please consider being a part of my support team. I would greatly appreciate it!
Go to the support tab below and join the team today!
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Are You Having Fun Yet?
Listen: “All I Wanna Do” by Sheryl Crow
“Kimberly, you brought a monkey to church!” I was starting a new church in the 90’s in Kansas City, and we were meeting at Lakeview Middle School. We were a non-traditional, rock-and-roll church, and we were reaching irreligious and nominally religious people who didn’t attend church. One Sunday morning I heard some commotion in the foyer where we greeted people who arrived to attend a church service. I heard the sounds of children screaming with glee and excitement coming from the foyer, which was not a normal occurrence, so I went to check it out. When I walked into the foyer, I saw a bunch of children standing around a woman who was holding a baby monkey. The monkey was wearing diapers. I knew the woman, and I knew she struggled with some emotional health issues, but very stable most of the time.
My first thoughts were: “OMG! How did she get a monkey? Has the monkey had its shots? What the heaven do I do in this situation?” Seminary didn’t prepare me for this scenario. When I approached her I simply said, “Kimberly, you brought a monkey to church.” She says, “Yeah, isn’t it cute?” The children are still screaming with the joy, and the parents have shocked looks on their faces. I said, “It’s very cute, Kimberly, but we can’t have monkeys in church. (Even though it would be much more fun!) You are going to have to take the monkey home.” Well, she was disappointed, but she cooperated and took the monkey somewhere off the premises.
I never did figure out how she got the monkey. I learned that she had tried to check the monkey into the nursery. After all, it had diapers. We protected her vulnerability, and she continued to come to church. One of these days I may compile a bunch of crazy church stories and publish them. I’ll call it “As the Church Turns.” Blue Collar Church Comedy Tour here we come!
Quite frankly, I love telling crazy church stories because I’m proud of the fact that we had built a grace-based church where anybody felt welcome. I often said, “I don’t care where you’ve been or what you’ve done, you are welcome here. Everybody is welcome!” People started believing it because we loved on them and accepted them. It was one of the things I cherished most about our church. People from every conceivable lifestyle started showing up. They invited their friends. Church was never boring. It was full of drama, and we had moments of great fun. After all, monkeys never showed up at the church in which I grew up!
Grace-based communities are full of laughter and fun. Life is too short not to have fun, even when you are dealing with very serious issues. I have been working in the recovery community in Kansas City for the last couple of years. People land in the recovery community when they are at rock bottom. Many times it’s the last stop before jail, prison, or death. Many times people have lost everything except their life. They come into a recovery group, and they aren’t laughing. They aren’t having fun. They are miserable. (I was miserable when I started attending.)
Yet, the groups are not devoid of laughter. People are welcoming. They are friendly. They love telling funny stories. They never laugh at the new person who is at rock bottom, but the halls are full of laugher and friendship. In the midst of tragic stories, you find love and joy. The Big Book talks about this important characteristic. “But we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life….We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 132-133).
It turns out that humor and laughter are important components of successful executive level leadership. In his groundbreaking book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman explains how EI (emotional intelligence) is more important in determining one’s success in life than IQ. Goleman lays out the emotional intelligence domains that a leader needs to master: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relational management. In his follow up book, Primal Leadership, Goleman states: “The most effective leaders, then, use humor more freely, even when things are tense, sending positive messages that shift the underlying emotional tone of the interaction” (p. 35).
Ancient wisdom confirms the healing power of laughter and joy. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (Proverbs 17:22). I second that! One of the great books on leadership in the Hebrew Bible is Nehemiah. Nehemiah was leading Israel in a temple building campaign in extraordinarily difficult circumstances. Yet Nehemiah understood the importance of celebrating and laughter. His famous words, “The joy of the Lord is your strength,” have been echoed down through history.
So belly up to the bar of joy and laughter. Some of the best humor emerges from the deepest places of pain. Our deepest pains and sorrows won’t last forever (thank God!), and joy comes in the morning. Are you having fun yet?
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Outward Focused Living
Listen: “Do Something” by Matthew West
Mental health is a tricky balance between attention to your own needs and issues and living a generous life of love and service towards others. I have been in the recovery community for a couple of years, and this is a balance that is taught over and over again. Stated simply: If you are not sober and healthy, you will never be any good to anyone else. Recovery is a selfish program. On the flip side, once you are sober you have to give it away. You keep your sobriety by serving others.
I think this is true for all humanity, whether you are in recovery or not. (And most everyone needs recovery from something.) Generosity and service to others is a vital part of emotional and spiritual health. In fact, many studies have been conducted on the brain as it relates to generosity. The results are fascinating—giving is good for your health. (See “Why Giving is Good for Your Health,” www.health.clevelandclinic.org.)
This is no surprise. Ancient wisdom from all the faith traditions has emphasized generosity as an important lifestyle. One of my favorite proverbs from the Hebrew Bible is Proverbs 11:25: “The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed” (NLT). Jesus taught a similar principle: “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you” (Luke 6:38; NLT).
All of us have resources to give. Many times people only think of money, but money is just one resource. In addition to money, we all have time and talents from which we can give as well. One way to live a generous, outward focused life is to do an inventory of your resources and consider how you can invest in others generously with your resources.
Invest your time. Volunteering your time to serve others is an act of generosity. You can do this with strangers or people who are close friends and colleagues. I like to think through the lens of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Spend some quality time with someone by practicing good listening skills and asking great questions. Reach out and touch someone—everybody needs a post-pandemic hug! Serve others through acts of kindness. Show God’s love in practical ways. Share a word of affirmation with someone. Tell them how much you appreciate them or compliment them on one of their best qualities.
Invest your talents. Everyone has some talents. It might be fixing a car, teaching inspirational content, administrative skills, creativity, social media savvy, leadership skills, building new relationships, or helping gifts. Think about serving through communities or small groups in which you are involved like sport teams, faith-based communities, recovery groups, or charity organizations. Through blogs, podcasting, events, pastoral care, and teaching, I am seeking to use my people skills, teaching skills, and leadership skills to ignite spiritual growth and transformation in people. This is why I have founded Spirituality Adventures.
Invest your money. Giving gifts is one of the five love languages. I know some people who are really good at giving small, thoughtful gifts to people. I was the recipient of many thoughtful gifts when I was pastoring a church. I was always amazed at how many thoughtful ways people would give. I have always been generous with whatever money I had. Since I was sixteen years old, I have always given more the ten percent of my income to church and other charities. Also, when I founded Vineyard Church, I gave away over ten percent of our church resources to other charities and partnerships. I’ve always challenged business owners to give out of their personal resources and their business resources. I still practice generosity in this way. If you are reading this blog, I greatly appreciate it. Please consider making Spirituality Adventuresa part of your charitable giving. Go to the support page on the website and sign up for a monthly contribution. Thanks for your support.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Why Small Groups Are Vital for Spiritual Growth
Listen: “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers
In 2019, after a collapse of my vocation, my marriage, and my faith, I felt humiliated and full of shame, even lost and disoriented. I thought to myself: “I need to get my shit together.” I decided to start attending small groups focused on recovery. In fact, I found a home group with several small group meetings available every day of the week. I started attending a small group every morning and evening almost every day of the week for a season. I needed it. I needed a home with friends who would walk through my pain and sorrow. As Bill Withers wrote and sang:
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
Lean on me
When you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on…
As a teenager, I committed my life to following Jesus and felt called to be a pastor. It was a major change. I had been using recreational drugs for a couple of years, and most of my friends did the same thing. I needed some strong support to change the trajectory of my life, and I found that support in a small group. Two of my friends (Brad and Stan Nickle), myself, and my church youth worker (Mike Paden) started meeting together weekly. It was a simple structure. We would feed a piranha in the fish tank, share about our struggles, go over some bible study homework, and pray. We did this for a year or so and then we each started new small groups. It started a pattern in my life. Small groups have been a part of my life for over forty years.
It’s interesting how many powerful movements throughout history have started in small groups. When Jesus started his work and mission, he didn’t create an institution. He called a few students together—The Twelve Disciples. It was a small group. They prayed together, studied the Torah together, ate together, fished together, and cared for broken people through a grace-based community. Jesus left his disciples with the mission to go and make students (open-hearted learners) who live in grace-based communities to care for the outcasts and the marginalized and the broken. Today there are millions of small groups and churches around the world. (Unfortunately, some of these communities have certainly lost their way and don’t look much like Jesus and his early followers. Church history reveals both horrific impostures and beautiful incarnations of Jesus.)
Alcoholics Anonymous started as a small group in 1935. It’s mission was (and is) to support people who wanted to stop drinking. The principles of AA have help millions of people around the world live sober and spiritual lives. Today there are over 100,000 small groups around the world.
When I started Vineyard Church in Kansas City, Missouri in 1990, we started with small groups. I was leading three different small groups each week, and I would also train people to lead small groups. We had a simple format: worship singing (optional), Bible teaching and discussion, sharing of personal struggles, and prayer. By 1992, we had four or five small groups with over fifty people actively engaged. By 2018, we had close to 600 small groups with over 3,000 people actively engaged.
Why are small groups vital for spiritual growth? Two things come to mind based on my observations of more than forty years of small group involvement. First of all, vulnerability and honesty occur best in small groups. It’s hard to hide in a small group. When you attend large group events, you can definitely experience spiritual connection, inspiration, and transcendence (like a worship service, a music concert, or a sporting event). It can be very powerful. However, a large group is not the best place to make new friends or share your pain and sorrow. Vulnerability and honesty are vital for spiritual growth. Secondly, accountability occurs best in small groups, not in isolation. Isolation typically leads to stagnation, depression, and loneliness. I’m an introvert so I need some alone time, but too much alone time is a dangerous trap. We grow best together, whether we’re focused on exercise, spiritual growth, or breaking a bad habit. Small groups provide opportunities for love, support, accountability, and service.
I currently attend several small groups a week. I encourage you to make small group attendance one of your spiritual practices. Thanks for staying connected to Spirituality Adventures.
You just call on me brother [sister]
When you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Synchronicity and Other Serendipitous Phenomenon
Listen: “Follow the Sun” by Xavier Rudd
I was recently listening to a lecture by Dr. Mark Vernon on Jungian approaches to change. One of the concepts he discussed was “synchronicity.” Carl G. Jung believed that one should pay attention to meaningful coincidences in order to bring important material of the unconscious mind to attention (similar to his perspective on dreams). He defined synchronicity in slightly different ways throughout his career, but the main idea is “meaningful coincidence of two or more events where something other than the probability of chance is involved” (Jung on Synchronicity and the Paranormal by Roderick Main). According to Dr. Vernon, the more you pay attention the more this phenomenon seems to occur in one’s life.
I grew up around a dad who was and is a master at playing a game which I call “six degrees of separation.” Dad never called what he did by this name, but I gave it this name because it helped me understand what he does naturally. Dad is an extrovert. I have never seen him meet a stranger. If he is standing close to someone, even a stranger, he will typically engage them in a conversation. I call it “breaking the silence barrier.” We could be in another city or another country, standing in a restaurant lobby or on a fishing dock, and dad would strike up a conversation with someone. Within five minutes he would find out where the person grew up, what they did for a living, and most of the time he would discover some friend or acquaintance that they both had in common. No kidding. I’ve seen him do it in other countries. It makes the world seem small and interconnected.
In 2019, I returned to Kansas City from a 120 day stint in rehab in Georgia. My thirty-seven year marriage dissolved, and my forty year career as a pastor had come to a dramatic halt. I felt overwhelmed by a swirl of negative emotions like humiliation, shame, anger, fear, doubt, betrayal, and abandonment—like a man forsaken without a home. I decided to go to a recovery meeting. I wasn’t sure I belonged in a recovery meeting for substance and alcohol abuse primarily because I did not have a long history of substance or alcohol abuse. In fact, I had only combined alcohol with the use of prescription Xanax for a couple of years, and that was an attempt to deal with my insomnia. However, I knew I needed recovery from the emotional trauma of my crisis and the addictions threatening to capsize me permanently.
The first recovery meeting I attended in the evening had about a dozen people in attendance. Everyone sat in a circle. I was assessing the room and feeling uncomfortably out-of-place. My mind was racing with thoughts: “What am I doing here. I don’t belong here. This is not my home.” At the beginning of the meeting, everyone said the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Then the facilitator started reading from “The Big Book.” It’s basically the “Bible” for Twelve Step Recovery Groups all over the world. The facilitator said he was going to read a story about a successful partner in a well known accounting firm who thought he could think his way out of alcoholism. His name was Fred! (Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 39-43).
I was surprised, even shocked. I listened intently to the story of Fred. Not all the details applied to me, but I could relate to several aspects of the story—especially trying to think my way out of things. When it came around for my time to share, I introduced myself as Fred and told everyone that I could relate to much that was in the story. The facilitator of the group had never met me. He did not know my name. There are almost six hundred pages in the Big Book, and the facilitator just happened to read the only Fred story in the book. I decided I belonged and have been a part of the larger recovery community in Kansas City ever since that night.
I have always called these phenomenon “divine appointments.” Many of the stories told in the Bible are told in such a way as to heighten and magnify the drama and suspense of an unseen force moving behind the scenes. Think about the story of Joseph. Joseph was betrayed and left for dead by his brothers, but then a series of meaningful coincidences unfold which heighten the drama, both good and bad: a caravan, Potiphar’s house, a stint in prison, Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph’s rise to power in Egypt, and finally, Joseph saves his whole family from the famine in a beautiful crescendo of redemption and grace. Or consider the story of Esther. This story in the Bible is interesting because God is never mentioned. It’s like God is at work in the shadows, in the serendipitous circumstances. The story is a series of bazaar coincidences that ultimately culminate in a courtesan prostitute (Esther) saving the nation of Israel. The most famous line from the book about Esther: “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14).
For me, these phenomenon point to something greater than all of us. Like the concept of the butterfly effect in chaos theory, we are all interconnected on this “third rock from the sun” and small “synchronicities” can have significant and meaningful consequences if we lean into them with faith, hope, and love. As a friend of mine has said so well, “Small things done with great love can change the world” (Steve Sjogren). I love the sense of magic in that phrase, the magic we read about in children’s stories. We live on an enchanted planet. It’s brimming with life that is special and sacred. The opening verses of the Creation story in Genesis are poetic. It’s as though God sings creation into existence with rhythm and dance and poetry. Let’s pay attention, follow the sun/son, and participate in the wonder of it all.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Lifelong Learning & Jesus’ Commission
Listen: “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2
I was recently having a conversation with someone who was deconstructing their faith journey. (I’ve actually had hundreds of these conversations with people over the last two years.) Many of the things he had believed as a teenager and young adult had proven to be destructive to his soul. He was still incredibly hungry to learn and grow spiritually, but he was open to new ideas and spiritual practices.
I have always had an extraordinary desire to learn and grow. As a teenager, I committed myself to following Jesus and one of the things that changed in my life (among many) as a result of that commitment was a voracious appetite to read and learn and study. I started devouring books and began a lifelong journey of formal and informal education. Since I have gone through my own personal crisis and deconstruction, I have continued to value lifelong learning.
I have also been thinking about lifelong learning and spiritual growth in relationship to the Great Commission given by Jesus in Matthew 28:18-20. All four gospels record a slightly different version of the Great Commission, but Matthew’s version is the most famous. Jesus said, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:19-20; ESV). Let’s consider and maybe reconsider the essence of this challenge.
Go. It’s an action verb (present participle). “As you are going” is a good translation. As you are living life, think about its meaning and purpose. This life is a spiritual adventure. It’s a sacred life, and we don’t want to waste it
Make disciples. A disciple is a learner, a student, a pupil. Good students are open and curious and inquisitive. God is revealed everywhere in his creation, and all truth is his truth. I am reminded of the Teacher in Ecclesiastes (Qohelet): “I, the Teacher, was king of Israel, and I lived in Jerusalem. I devoted myself to search for understanding and to explore by wisdom everything being done under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 1:12-13; NLT). Or the words of Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Lifelong learning is good for the brain and good for our spiritual and emotional health.
Of all nations. Everyone is included. This lifestyle is not the exclusive domain of any one group of people. It includes all nations. Every life is sacred, and we have the privilege of joining together in this sacred journey called life.
Baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. This Trinitarian formula speaks to the nature of ultimate reality. Ancient philosophers tried to figure out what unified everything and what accounted for diversity—unity and diversity. This ancient Trinitarian formula speaks of a community of unity and diversity, masculine (Father/Son) and feminine (Spirit). When God created humans in his image and likeness, he created them male and female (Genesis 1:27). Ultimate reality is a loving community of unity and diversity. Baptism means “immersion.” So we are to be fully immersed in a loving community of unity and diversity. Read Richard Rohr’s book on the Trinity entitled The Divine Dance. It’s the best book I have read on the Trinity, and Rohr’s vision is beautiful. A must read!
Teaching them to observe all I have commanded you. Jesus is certainly one of the greatest teachers in history. His teachings reverberate throughout the world. The Sermon on the Mount, his parables, his gospel for misfits, his heart for healing, his love of community, his servant leadership, his ethic of forgiveness and love for your enemy, and his sacrificial love are some of the most breathtaking examples of humanity at its best. Regardless of your faith tradition or lack thereof, Jesus’ teachings are truly compelling.
So what is a disciple? A disciple is a learner, a student. One of the beautiful things about 21st Century living is the availability of information. It’s a curse and a blessing. Most people in the world have cell phones. I’ve been in remote, poverty stricken African villages, but I have seen charging stations for cell phones. Sub-Saharan Africa has over 240,000 cell towers providing mobile coverage to about 70% of the population. Remarkable. We can access the world’s greatest libraries and the world’s greatest teachers almost instantly from our phones. We can also get trapped into mind-numbing algorithms of information fed to us by multibillion dollar marketing companies. (See the documentary Social Dilemma on Netflix.) My vision for Spirituality Adventures is to ignite spiritual growth and transformation through blogs, podcasting, teaching, events, community groups, and community service. I look forward to growing together as lifelong learners.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
What Is Radical Inclusion?
Listen: “One Love” by Bob Marley
Tennessee Williams is my favorite American playwright. He is best know for plays like A Street Car Named Desire, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, The Glass Menagerie, and The Night of the Iguana. His characters are beautifully flawed, both tragic and resilient. Williams says, “My chief aim in playwriting is the creation of character. I have always had a deep feeling for the mystery in life, and essentially my plays have been an effort to explore the beauty and meaning in the confusion of living.” In my view, Tennessee Williams displayed an ability to capture redemptive notes in tragically flawed human beings—a gospel for misfits. Blanche DuBois, in A Street Car Named Desire, has a famous line at the end of the play: “Whoever you are—I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Angels unaware. A gospel for misfits.
Jesus was criticized harshly by religious people. He was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard because he didn’t fast enough and attended too many parties. He was accused of being a friend of tax collectors and sinners because—he was—a friend to the marginalized, the outcasts, and the misfits (Luke 7:34).
Radical inclusion was at the heart of Jesus’ practice and teaching. This was in contrast to the religious environment to which Jesus was born. The major Jewish religious and political parties of Jesus’ day were the Pharisees, the Sadducees, the Zealots, and the Essenes. One thing that all four religious groups had in common was a desire for purity. Purity was defined by avoiding contagious people or things (based on the purity codes in Leviticus and traditions surrounding it). Some foods were considered contagious like pork (scavengers) or shell fish (fish with no scales)—the misfit and blemished animals were the ones you shouldn’t eat or sacrifice. Some people were considered contagious like lepers or tax collectors—basically the sick, the handicapped, the sinners, and the Roman sympathizers—people who were misfits or blemished.
Jesus practiced radical inclusion by touching, healing, forgiving, and eating with people who were considered unclean. It seems clear that in Jesus’ mind, grace-filled community was a healing agent. He had more confidence in the healing power of grace-filled relationships and community than he had in the fear of becoming contaminated.
We are all oddballs and misfits in one way or another. We all need grace-filled relationships and community in order to grow spiritually. Through the power of vulnerability and acceptance, we find hope and healing. We have to move out of our comfort zone in order to experience this kind of community. Here are a few practices that can pay rich rewards.
Eating. It’s not that hard to invite someone to coffee, lunch, or dinner that is different than you. They might be a different gender, race, nationality, economic status, education level, religion, lifestyle, or sexual orientation. Jesus broke bread with the misfits, and we can begin with people who are simply different. It might feel awkward at first, but it’s good.
Listening. Listening to the stories of people is one of the most powerful ways to connect with someone. Learn to ask great questions and listened deeply. (Check out my podcast called Spirituality Adventures for a great example.) Listen for the hurts and the pain, the loves and the passions. This is where human beings connect deeply.
Sharing. Learn to practice vulnerability. The quickest way to connect with someone is not necessarily sharing our strengths and accomplishments. (Although asking about someone else’s is a good thing.) Most deep connections come from being vulnerable. I have sat in recovery meetings with people from different backgrounds, lifestyles, and religious beliefs and watched people open up about their struggles with emotional health, addictions, or relationships. Something happens. The S/spirit moves. It’s magical.
This is something for which our hearts long. This is good news (gospel) for misfits—it’s beautifully flawed and wonderfully redemptive. It helps heal our shame and connects us to ourselves, others, and something greater. It breaks down the walls of indifference and hatred and allows love to grow.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Was Job a Buddhist?
Listen: “I Lived” by One Republic
I have grown to appreciate the book of Job more than ever before. Job went through enormous darkness, doubts, and harsh judgments from his friends. He is an example of someone who suffered horrible losses even though he had lived a relatively righteous life. I say “relatively” because we know that everyone has fallen short of perfection. Job anguished over the idea of a just God who allows good people to suffer atrocities like his own loss of family, wealth, and health—or like cancer, war, natural disasters, and the Holocaust. Job’s story would extend to people who experience disproportionate suffering like someone who is young and struck down by disaster or someone who serves God faithfully for decades and falls under the load. (The variations are endless.) If you know my story, you might understand why I have found a renewed appreciation for Job.
Job pre-dates Buddha, so he was not a Buddhist, but both Job and Buddha grappled with suffering in deep and thoughtful ways. The themes of suffering and the nature of ultimate reality were at the heart of their reflections and philosophies. Many scholars believe that Job is the oldest book in the Hebrew Bible, pre-dating the Books of Moses (the Torah) and finding its origins in the Patriarchal period (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob). Buddha was a contemporary of Confucius, Socrates, and Zechariah, so Job pre-dates Buddha by maybe 1,000 years.
If you could read Hebrew fluently, you would understand that Job is a literary masterpiece. At forty-two chapters, it’s far too long for most American audiences. One of my favorite commentaries on Job is by John Walton, who teaches at Wheaton College (Job: The NIV Application Commentary). Walton lays out the problem which Job is confronting in a succinct way through highlighting the main characters and what they are defending. Job is defending his own righteousness. Job’s friends are defending the principle of reciprocity (you reap what you sow or karma). Ultimately, God’s justice is on trial.
Job defends his righteousness throughout the story. This may seem bold (nobody is perfect), but don’t get hung up on it. Otherwise, you will be like Job’s friends. Most of our suffering seems disproportionate to what we deserve. I’m thinking of when William Munny (Clint Eastwood) finally confronts Little Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman), the man who killed his friend, in Unforgiven—“Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.” Except it does.
Job’s friends defend the principle of reciprocity. You reap what you sow. This principle is taught in all the major faith traditions in one form or another. It works in both directions. We love it when it works in the positive direction. If we sow generosity, kindness, and forgiveness, we reap generosity, kindness, and forgiveness. What you put out comes back to you. We don’t like it so much when it works in the negative direction. If we sow stinginess, meanness, or unforgiveness, we get all that in return. Job’s friends were certain that Job got what he deserved. They are defending the principle of reciprocity with various nuances, and in the process, they come off as harsh, judgmental, and full of self-righteousness. Most people fall in the category of Job’s friends when they think about the world and give advice to others. The guilty should be punished. Consequences are a bitch. There are only two things that seem to disrupt this principle: (1) when the righteous suffer disproportionately; and (2) grace. Grace is getting what we don’t deserve, and most people want grace when it comes to themselves. Truth be told, the church in America has an identity crisis—while professing to be grace-based communities, the church many times functions like Job’s friends.
God is left to defend his justice, which is on trial. Except he doesn’t. This is a problem. Theologians (Job among them) in the Abrahamic tradition (Jewish, Christian, or Islamic) have a tough challenge. If ultimate reality is governed by a just God who is all-powerful, who could cure cancer and prevent the Holocaust but doesn’t, then God is a moral monster. (For thoughtful discussions, read Is God a Moral Monster? by Paul Copan or Satan and the Problem of Evil by Gregory Boyd.)
If you dive into the book of Job, I would encourage you to notice two things. First of all, in chapter three, Job speaks of the darkness with which he is confronted through his loss of family, wealth, and health. He virtually exhausts the Hebrew vocabulary with words and metaphors describing his darkness, even resorting to the use of mythological creatures of darkness—the “word cursers” and the Leviathan (Job 3:8).
Secondly, notice that when God finally speaks in chapter thirty-eight, he doesn’t defend his justice. He basically points to mystery and paradox. Mystery in the sense that our three-pound human brains can’t possibly understand all the mysteries of creation and ultimate reality: “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?” (Job 38:4). Paradox in the sense that God refers back to the theme of darkness from chapter three, but then he contrasts darkness with light—darkness and light—destruction and beauty—violence and love—death and birth—yin and yang. The paradoxes of this life.
When Gautama Siddhartha (Buddha) pondered the nature of suffering and reality, he explored the concepts of illusion, attachment to cravings or desires, and the separate self. Job points to mystery and paradox. None of the answers satisfy our quest for certainty, but we long for a mystical union or relationship with ultimate reality. Jesus embraced redemptive suffering through the cross and prayed that we might “all be one, as he and the Father are one” (John 17:21).
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Avoid Temptation by Celebrating Creation
Listen: “Ulysses” by Josh Garrels
How do we celebrate life, culture, and creation while at the same time avoid the pitfalls of temptation and dysfunctional behavior? Every faith tradition throughout human history has grappled with this question. The universe contains incredible order and chaos, beauty and decay, goodness and destruction. So does the human personality. We can all relate to the paradox within ourselves—angel or demon, sinner or saint.
Creation
In the creation account of Genesis 1-2, God is revealed as creator of all things, and everything he creates is declared “good” by Creator God. This is an important place to begin our thinking about how to live in God’s creation. Despite the primordial chaos depicted in Genesis 1:2, the creation story teaches us that there was an original goodness to the order of creation. Creation is inherently good and human beings created in the image of God were “very good.” (Read Original Blessing by Matthew Fox.)
The Fall
Genesis 3 introduces us to “the Fall.” This is the biblical account of how sin entered the world or how God’s good creation was tainted by evil. The story of Adam and Eve is the story of the human race: temptation to the dark side, the fall, shame, and blame. Notice that all of creation was affected by the resulting curse after the Fall (Genesis 3:14-24; Romans 8:18-25). However, original goodness is not eliminated, only marred. Notice that after the Fall, scripture still affirms that people bear the image of God (Genesis 9:6-7). After the Fall, the Psalmist still declares that “The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein” (Psalm 24:1; ESV). After the Fall, the apostle Paul declares “For from him [God] and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen” (Romans 11:36). So while all of creation has suffered from the Fall, evil (the Serpent) is really a “deceiver,” trying to divert humanity from original goodness.
God’s Plan of Redemption
After the Fall, the Bible unfolds a long story of redemption and restoration. From Abraham to Moses to Jesus, the Bible unfolds God’s plan for redemption for all creation. In essence, restoring original goodness and beauty and creativity and love and connection. The scriptures reveal that through Jesus, God’s plan is to reconcile all things:
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him…and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven (Colossians 1:15-20; ESV).
God in Christ is on a mission to restore all of creation. As we follow Jesus and live in a beautifully flawed world, we need to keep this in mind (2 Corinthians 5:16-21). We are, in effect, living to bring heaven to earth (“on earth as it is in heaven”).
Evil Behavior or The Dark Side
What makes a thing or an action evil? Since everything is created good, what makes something evil or bad? The Bible teaches us that anything disconnected from its created purpose is sin. The Ten Commandments can basically be divided into two categories: sins against God (first four) and sins against people created in the image of God (last six). In other words, when we disconnect our heart from loving God and loving people, we move to the dark side (sin). This is why Jesus sums up the greatest commandments as—Love God. Love people. (It’s also a summary of the Ten Commandments stated positively; Matthew 22:34-40.)
Idolatry
Idolatry is worshipping or pursuing a false god, a false image which leads to destructive behavior. In idolatry, we become addicted to the dark side. Even good gifts like food or sex or wine or money, can become idols which enslave us. When we disconnect our heart from ourselves, others, or God, we can quickly slip into idolatry and addiction and destructive behaviors. Rather than celebrating creation, we become enslaved to it. Entropy accelerates.
Culture
Culture is a product of people living in God’s creation. Culture consists of patterns of behavior, symbols of achievement, and ideas and their attached values. Human groups of people living in God’s creation create culture. Culture is expressed through language, arts, technologies, religion, music, ideas, writings, recreation, laws, education, governments, and institutions (not an exhaustive list). Because culture is created by flawed people, all cultures have aspects of sin and evil and idolatry that are attached to them. Because culture emerges in God’s creation through people created in the image of God, all cultures have aspects of beauty and goodness and truth attached to them.
How does God in Christ relate to culture? He wants to redeem and reconcile those aspects of culture that have been distorted by sin and evil and idolatry. (For an interesting discussion on this topic, see Richard Niebuhr, Christ and Culture.) As followers of Jesus, we are called to join with this mission of God in the world: To restore and reconcile culture with God.
Celebrating Good Gifts and Avoiding Temptation
One approach to life is to focus on avoiding all the bad things. There’s some merit in this approach, but it can lend itself to an excessive focus on evil, avoiding contamination, and living with a bunch of “don’ts” or “thou shalt nots.” Rules and dogma without love and beauty kills grace (the letter kills, but Spirit gives life.) Another approach is to focus on beauty and all the “do’s.” Love God. Love people. Pursue beauty and goodness and connection and love. See it everywhere, even in the flawed nature of our world and people. Hunt for treasure everywhere, celebrate creation, and leave the world a better place.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Is Penny Dreadful a Christian Gothic Horror Tale?
Listen: John Clare reciting Wordsworth in Penny Dreadful Finale
In my office, I have a collection of leather bond books from Easton Press 100 Greatest Books Ever Written. I haven’t read all of them, but it’s on my bucket list. Contained in the collection are several 19th century Victorian Gothic literary masterpieces—Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Dracula by Bram Stoker, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, to name a few—which employ supernatural characters to explore themes of spirituality and the paradox of human nature. I’ve always been fond of these characters and all their reincarnations through film and literature—dark themes and characters with glimmers of redemption and hope.
Like many Americans during the pandemic, I was searching for some streaming online series to watch. My favorite of 2020 was The Queen’s Gambit (I highly recommend it for anyone), but I found one gothic horror series that intrigued me—Penny Dreadful. (I don’t recommend this for everyone—dark themes for mature audiences. It was originally released on Showtime 2014-16 and now available on Netflix.) What drew me to the series was its writer and creator—John Logan. (I’m going to geek out a bit, but I have always tried to mash up the Bible with literature, music, history, philosophy, and pop culture, so I hope you enjoy!)
John Logan is one of my favorite American playwrights, screenwriters, film producers, and television producers. He is a three-time Academy Award nominee; twice for Best Original Screenplay for Gladiator (2000) and The Aviator (2004) and once for Best Adapted Screenplay for Hugo (2011). In Penny Dreadful, Logan mashes up gothic characters like Dr. Frankenstein, Dorian Gray, Dracula, Dr. Jekyll, Mina Harker; new characters like Sir Malcolm (Timothy Dalton), Ethan Chandler (Josh Hartnett), and Vanessa Ives (Eva Green); and various monsters and witches into a gothic horror thriller that explores the apocalyptic battle between good and evil, the existence of God, human depravity and dignity, and redemption set against the gaslight and fog of Victorian London.
John Clare is one of Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s creations in Penny Dreadful (named after a British poet). Clare has a love for poetry much like the original monster in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (Dr. Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster). John Clare is played by Rory Kinnear, which is an astonishing performance. I feel like he should have won an award! John Clare is poignantly presented as a “monster” who is capable of great violence and vengeance, but who is also poetic, compassionate, and an existentially tortured soul. He narrates and reads Romantic poetry throughout the series by people like Keats, Blake, Tennyson, and Wordsworth.
This brings me to my original question: Is Penny Dreadful a Christian Gothic Horror Tale? The short answer is “no, I don’t think so.” However, its finale episode features sacrificial love—of which Jesus is the primary example—as the key to the redemption and the salvation of the world. As the “end of days” is about to unfold in the finale episode and darkness is about to engulf the world, Penny Dreadful displays the loving, sacrificial embrace of the two main characters quoting the Lord’s Prayer—Vanessa Ives and Ethan Chandler—and Vanessa gives her life in loving sacrifice to vanquish the threat of darkness embodied by Dracula.
In the final scene of the series, the main cast of characters are gathered around the grave of Vanessa Ives, and John Clare, the monster, quotes lines from William Woodsworth’s Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood. The lines of poetry are a haunting reminder of our own mortality contrasted with the dream children sometimes have of immortality. Death speaks eternal:
There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream
The earth, and every common sight
To me did seem
Appareled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;—
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.
—But there’s a Tree, of many, one,
A single field which I have looked upon,
Both of them speak of something that is gone;
The Pansy at my feet
Doth the same tale repeat:
Whither is fled the visionary gleam?
Where is it now, the glory and the dream?
I love the fact that the deep truth of Jesus’ sacrificial death for humanity echoes throughout the ages in literature and movies and music and plays and history and nature and romance. There are reminders and echoes everywhere. Our hearts are strangely warmed when we find this kind of sacrificial love in unsuspected places—eternity beats in our hearts.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
Abusive Authority or True Leadership?
Listen: “Killing In the Name” by Rage Against The Machine
“If you think you are leading and turn around to see no one following you, then you are only taking a walk” (origin uncertain). I have heard this quote from several different sources, and I have always identified with it. True leadership is not about force, manipulation, or deceit; its about authentic relationship and influence.
Early in my ministry, I devoured books on leadership. I remember hearing John Maxwell talk about the five levels of leadership: position, permission, production, people development, and pinnacle. (See The 5 Levels of Leadership by John Maxwell.) Positional leadership is the lowest level. Somebody exercises positional leadership when they have a positionin an organization, authority in a governmental system, or power due to an advantage in strength or weaponry. Not all positional leadership is inherently bad or abusive, but it holds the greatest potential for abuse because it can be forced upon the followers. If a follower doesn’t obey, they can suffer adverse consequences like loss of job, demotions, fines, social exclusion, jail time, or even death.
The higher levels of leadership are granted by the follower because the leader has contributed in a positive way to the follower’s life. When people feel inspired, illuminated, coached, included, valued, and loved, they will gladly follow a leader. When a leader not only inspires those who follow, but also empowers the followers to accomplish missional goals, to develop skills and character, and to thrive in an atmosphere of creativity and generosity—these are the highest levels of leadership and influence.
I have found that people with positions of leadership who tell their followers that they need to submit are invariably abusive. Coerced submission creates negative energy in relationships like anger, bitterness, resentment, gossip, backbiting and slander—work environments become toxic. The best kind of servanthood is when people joyfully give up some of their individual rights because of love and/or a common vision or mission. True love and respect is mutually and joyfully sacrificial. Both parties are devoted to one another. This is the ideal environment for love and work and community.
True leadership is visionary. It creates movement and momentum towards a preferred future. True leaders aren’t able to make everybody happy all the time; that’s not possible even in small, democratic groups of people. However, true leadership optimizes the potential for all involved to thrive individually and collectively. This is the art of true leadership.
Much discussion has taken place on the difference between leadership and management. Some people say that leadership is doing the right thing while management is doing things right. These distinctions get blurry at times. Leaders are decidedly visionary, for sure, while managers help their people execute the vision. I think the best managers are good leaders. The Gallup Organization analyzed more than one million employee interviews and found twelve elements employees needed their managers to provide (12: The Elements of Great Managing). Here they are:
1. Let everyone know what is expected of them
2. Ensure people have all the tools they need
3. Let people actually do what they do best
4. Give recognition and praise for jobs done well
5. Care about employees on a person level
6. Foster and encourage personal development
7. Make everyone’s opinions count
8. Help everyone feel their job is important
9. Associate with others who do quality work
10. Encourage strong and vibrant friendships
11. Evaluate performance in person regularly
12. Provide opportunities to learn and grow
Perhaps the best term for true leadership as I am describing it is servant leadership. Max DePree wrote an excellent book on this topic called Leadership is an Art. DePree said: “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a servant.”
I believe Jesus is the best example in human history of servant leadership. He came into the world to demonstrate the heart of God through love and service. He embodied the elements of true leadership as I have described it. In response to a mother who asked if her two sons could have positions of power next to Jesus (the mother of two disciples), Jesus said:
You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man [Jesus’ most frequent title for himself] came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:25-28; NLT).
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021