Down By the Riverside
Listen: The Call “I Still Believe” (Live) ft. Robert Levon Been
Last Sunday evening I sat by the Missouri River at EH Young Riverfront Park in Riverside, Missouri. I sat by the river to simply reflect and meditate. Even though I often appear to be calm and relaxed, my mind is always racing. Thinking. Thinking. Always thinking. Thinking about the future. Thinking about the past. Thinking about Spirituality Adventures. Sometimes positive and hopeful, and sometimes doubtful and fearful. Why am I here? Is there a God? Does God still have a plan for me? Will God be my provider? What is God’s will for my life?
I want to acknowledge my anxious, fearful thoughts and surrender them. Let go of them. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to nature, to wind, to earth, to sun, to water. Surrender to God, to the Universe. I give up. I let go. I give in. I surrender. Grateful for the moment, for life, for the gift of life.
It’s a beautiful evening—an unusual cold front for August in Missouri. The humidity is low. The breeze is blowing. Waves are lapping. My body and back are tingling with energy as I sit and reflect. Evening sun is beating down. The cicadas are singing. My body is present. Thankful for the moment.
A song comes to mind as I watch the river flow. It’s an old African-American spiritual: “Gonna lay down my burden, down by the riverside, down by the riverside, down by the riverside. I ain’t gonna study war no more.” It’s a baptism of sorts. An immersion into the sounds, and sights, and smells of this riverside moment.
A second song comes to mind. One of my favorite songs of all time—“I Still Believe.” It was released by The Call in 1986 one year before it was used in the 1987 vampire flick Lost Boys. The song was written by their lead singer, Michael Been, and keyboard player, Jim Goodwin and reached #17 on the Modern Rock chart. It was also covered by Russ Taff in 1987 and the Protomen in 2015. It’s an incredible song about believing in the dark.
I’ve been in a cave
For forty days
Only a spark
To light my way.
I want to give out
I want to give in
This is our crime
This is our sin
Certainly a reference to Israel’s forty years of wandering in the wilderness, and Jesus’ forty days of temptation in the wilderness. “Forty days” serving as a metaphor for the dark days, months, or years through which people journey. The song vacillates between describing dark days and then the struggle for faith and the surrender to believe.
But I still believe
I still believe
Through the pain
And through the grief
Through the lives
Through the storms
Through the cries
And through the wars
Oh, I still believe
Flat on my back
Out at sea
Hopin these waves
Don’t cover me
I’m turned and tossed
Upon the waves
When the darkness comes
I feel the grave
But I still believe
I still believe
Through the cold
And through the heat
Through the pain
And through the tears
Through the crowds
And through the cheers
Oh, I still believe
This song has always comforted me. When I hear it, the brutal honesty and the passionate cry washes over me. The surrender to walk by faith in the dark even when you can’t see or feel what you are longing for.
For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get
Oh, I still believe
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
