Willpower
Listen: “Breaking the Habit” by Linkin Park
Willpower is a force that runs much of our life and society. In essence, it’s our freedom to choose and take specific actions in life. We wake up every morning and decide to do something: make coffee, make the bed, take a shower, take out the trash, go to work, go to school, do some exercise, make a “To Do” list, meet someone for coffee, take the kids to school, do homework, mow the lawn, or clean the house. We make decisions and we take action. Civilizations have been built through the collective engagement of human willpower.
Willpower works perfectly for mundane tasks. Some tasks in life become repetitive because they need to be done. Someone needs to pay the bills. Someone needs to clean the house and take out the trash. Someone needs to buy groceries, fill up the car with gas, and fix things that break. Someone needs to get the kids to school and put the kids to bed. Everyone needs to take a shower and brush their teeth. Some tasks are necessary, mundane, and repetitive.
Willpower works for accomplishing more complex goals in life. Individuals and organizations thrive by setting goals, building teams, designing action plans, and executing the plan. Goal setting combined with self-discipline and willpower has fueled the achievements of individuals, families, organizations, and governments throughout human history.
Willpower works well when people are called upon to make sacrifices and perform a duty for friends, family, co-workers, or fellow citizens of a nation. I am thinking of things like a single mom working two or three jobs to support her children. An employee working extra hours to meet a company deadline. A citizen of Ukraine mobilizing their skills in order to defend their country against Russian invasion. Humans can be extraordinarily inspirational when they sacrifice their own safety and personal goals for some altruistic cause which is greater than themselves.
Despite the enormous energy residing in the power of the human will, it has its limits. Sometimes “sacrificial willpower” can be a guise for selfishness. Richard Rohr has pointed out how “sacrifice” can go wrong. Rohr says, “You see, there is a love that sincerely seeks the spiritual good of others, and there is a love that is seeking superiority, admiration, and control for itself, even and most especially by doing ‘good’ and heroic things” (Breathing Under Water, p. 22). This can be tricky to see, but we see it when it becomes toxic, like a manipulative, abusive mother who is very sacrificial. Codependency is incredibly sacrificial, disguising itself as “sacrificial love,” but in reality it is not love at all. It’s a means to manipulate and control another person or take the moral high ground for themselves. People can be highly sacrificial, but not loving at all. They can be full of anger, even resenting their own sacrifices and the people they try to control.
Willpower can grind out dutiful behaviors long after the love and passion are gone. Julia Cameron points out how creative artists work best when their creativity flows out of passion, enthusiasm, and love. Artists can get trapped in habits of “dutiful discipline” instead of playful, childlike creativity. Cameron observes, “That part of us that creates best is not a driven, disciplined automaton, functioning from willpower, with a booster of pride to back it up. This is operating out of self-will” (The Artist’s Way, p. 153). Imagine the spouse who has fallen out of love, but still delivers roses on an anniversary—dutiful roses delivered out of obligation. How romantic! Willpower can grind it out in the short-term, but usually fails over the long haul. Love and passion win in the long run. Imagine someone going to worship at a mosque, temple, or church. They go through the ritual motions of repetitive prayers, songs, and chants, but their hearts and minds are far away.
Willpower, perhaps, is at its worst when it comes to addiction. Addictions usually start out as behaviors that bring us comfort in times of stress, distractions in times of turmoil, and numbing in times of pain. They start out as harmless activities that give us respite from the storm: watching the screen, playing a video game, shopping, cleaning, working out, engaging social media, drinking, eating, smoking, fixing, consuming, and plotting. Over time these substances and behaviors take on a power of their own. We obsessively return to these substances and behaviors, almost religiously, but instead of providing peace and comfort they morph into monsters. They turn into idols which control us. They destroy us, tearing apart our our bodies and our relationships.
Willpower, in the face of addiction, becomes our downfall. Our willpower wants to stay in control. Our willpower is absolutely confident that it can control the addiction; curb it; tame it. Willpower employs a thousand strategies to change, deny, and stay in control, but it fails again and again. Our willpower hates defeat. It’s one of the great ironies in life. Something that has served us so well—willpower, with all its rules, sacrifices, and duties—fails us so miserably. The Apostle Paul observed centuries ago, “These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires [destructive behaviors]” (Colossians 2:23; NLT). For the sake of sanity, we must admit we are powerless.
The Twelve Step book, Alcoholic Anonymous, puts it bluntly: “So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic [addict of any type] is an extreme example of self-will run riot…” (p. 62). It is in surrendering our willpower to a power greater than ourselves that is loving and caring that we find hope.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2022
