The Role of Doubt on the Journey of Faith
Listen: “I’ll Follow You into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie
Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is a valuable aspect of the faith journey. I have come to embrace this idea more deeply in the last three years, but it’s not new to me. I remember when I was a teenager struggling with issues of faith, and I came across an article in a teen Bible entitled, “Sometimes I Doubt.” Instead of condemning doubt, it normalized it. I came to realize that most of the characters in the Bible expressed various degrees of doubt on their faith journeys, like Abraham, Job, Moses, Thomas, and even Jesus. I realized it was okay to have doubts about what you believe and why you believe it. Not long after, I felt a calling to become a pastor and this launched my rigorous pursuit of understanding faith from primarily a Christian perspective, but I have always read broadly. My personal library contains over 6,000 books, and I have earned a plethora of degrees in the field of theology and religious studies.
The last three years of my life have taken me into a deeper level of doubt and unbelief. In 2019, I found myself in what felt like a post-apocalyptic nightmare. My world had collapsed around me in dramatic, public, humiliating fashion, and I was in a deep darkness—questioning everything I had ever believed, hating my life, and feeling a notch above suicidal thoughts. At this time (Fall of 2019), a friend mailed me a copy of a book by Richard Rohr, Falling Upward, and it got my faith off the ventilator, sparking a new journey of faith for me. I devoured many of Richard Rohr’s books and read many of the books he referenced. Some aspects of my faith journey have remained consistent—I still consider myself a follower of Jesus and a student of the Bible tradition—but I am rethinking everything and I have added some new practices like mindful meditation. I like to say “I am less certain and more open.”
Richard Rohr is a Franciscan priest and a prolific, bestselling author on spirituality. I have a couple of friends who know Richard Rohr, so I thought I would try to meet Richard and maybe even do a podcast interview with him. I learned that he is struggling with some health issues and has curtailed his engagements. Brené Brown released an interview with him recently (Unlocking Us with Brené Brown, April 20, 2022), but I wasn’t able to reach him. However, I did meet one of Richard’s close colleagues, another bestselling author, speaker, and activists—Brian McLaren.
Brian McLaren was gracious enough to connect with me. I sent Brian a text on January 26, 2022 and asked if he would be willing to set up a phone conversation with me (he lives in Florida), and he responded immediately and said, “Anytime today is good, Fred. I’m free right now if you wanted to talk.” We talked, and I am so grateful for the relationship. I actually had three of Brian’s books in my library (he has published over 20 books), but I had not read his most recent book—Faith After Doubt: Why Your Beliefs Stopped Working and What To Do About It. It’s a must read for all doubters, disappointed, and disillusioned who are on a faith journey in life.
Brian has a new companion book coming out as I write this blog (May 22, 2022) entitled, Do I Stay Christian? A Guide for The Doubters, The Disappointed, and The Disillusioned. I had the privilege of doing a podcast interview with Brian on these two books (Spirituality Adventures, May 18, 2022). I would encourage you to listen, if you haven’t done so already.
Brian has helped me understand, in a deeper way, the importance of embracing doubt on the faith journey. In fact, I have come to see “certainty” as the opposite of faith because dogmatic certainty invariably leads to superiority, arrogance, self-righteousness, and exclusivity. All of the great spiritual leaders of the great faith traditions were reformers. They challenged long-held belief systems and upset the status quo, sometimes at the risk of their own lives. We admire them for their courage and insight. Jesus began his public ministry by saying, “Repent, and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:15; NASB). Unfortunately, the word “repent” (Greek word is metanoia) has taken on a puritanical connotation. It’s better translated “change” or “rethink.” Jesus was going to challenge people to rethink Torah, rethink purity culture, rethink tribalism, rethink grace and compassion for the marginalized, the outcasts, and the morally impure, even rethink love for yourself, your neighbor, and your enemy. “Believe the gospel” is better translated “have faith in the good news.” So notice, Jesus was attaching the process of doubt, change, and rethinking to the process of discovering faith in a new reality.
Unfortunately, the conservative church in America has not often made room for doubters. She tends to double down on the dogma and become more shrill in her pronouncements. Some people are even attracted to authority figures who speak loudly with dogmatic certainty while speaking condescendingly towards those who disagree, question, or doubt. Rachel Held Evans (June 8, 1981-May 4, 2019) was an American Christian columnist, blogger, and bestselling author. In her book, Searching for Sunday, she writes:
There are recovery programs for people grieving the loss of a parent, sibling, or spouse. You can buy books on how to cope with the death of a beloved pet or work through the anguish of a miscarriage. We speak openly with one another about the bereavement that can accompany a layoff, a move, a diagnosis, or a dream deferred. But no one really teaches you how to grieve the loss of your faith. You’re on your own for that…It became increasingly clear that my fellow Christians didn’t want to listen to me, or grieve with me, or walk down this frightening road with me. They wanted to fix me. They wanted to wind me up like an old-fashioned toy and send me back to the fold with a painted smile on my face and tiny cymbals in my hands.
In Brian McLaren’s book, Faith After Doubt, he has a beautiful chapter entitled, “You’re Not Crazy and You’re Not Alone.” He ends the chapter with a benediction modeled after the beatitudes to remind us that our honest doubts are not a curses but, rather, a blessing:
Blessed are the curious, for their curiosity honours reality.
Blessed are the uncertain and those with second thoughts, for their minds are still open.
Blessed are the wonderers, for they shall find what is wonderful.
Blessed are those who question their answers, for their horizons will expand forever.
Blessed are the those who often feel foolish, for they are wiser than those who always think themselves wise.
Blessed are those who are scolded, suspected and labelled as heretics by the gatekeepers, for the prophets and mystics were treated in the same way by the gatekeepers of their day.
Blessed are those who know their unknowing, for they shall have the last laugh.
Blessed are the perplexed, for they have reached the frontiers of contemplation.
Blessed are they who become cynical about their cynicism and suspicious of their suspicion, for they will enter the second innocence.
Blessed are the doubters, for they shall see through false gods.
Blessed are the lovers, for they shall see God everywhere.
If this resonates with you or someone you know, let me know by responding to this blog by email. I am starting some Connection Groups in Kansas City for people who resonate with this experience of doubt. Connection Groups are designed to foster spiritual connection with yourself, others, and something transcendent. It’s for people who have encountered religious trauma, deconstruction, or spiritual awakenings, and where doubts, questions, and unbelief are valued as part of the spiritual journey.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2022
