Progress Not Perfection

Listen: “Walk On” by U2

Recovery can be a slow process. Extremely slow in some cases. If you’ve ever lost a major pillar in your life, you know this is true. If you’ve gone through the death of a spouse, child, close family member, or dear friend, then you know. If you’ve gone through a divorce or lost a deeply connected community of friends, then you know. If you’ve ever lost a career, had a partnership blow up, or started a business that failed, then you know. If you’ve ever been ravaged by a devastating disease, illness, injury, or addiction, then you know. If you’ve ever felt like your faith was shattered due to religious trauma, then you know.

You know how hard and slow it can be to regain your footing. You’ve taken a hard fall, almost died physically or emotionally, and it’s hard to get back on the rock, find a foothold, and start climbing again. It takes more inner strength to recover from a life-threatening fall than it did to ascend the climb in the first place. And the ascent may represent a lifetime of loving, sharing, nurturing, giving, training, planning, educating, working, and investing—and then it’s gone—the loved one, the community, the career, the health, the faith, the belief—it vanishes.

How do you start again? Life keeps on moving without you it seems. People go to work, take care of their families, and go on vacations. It seems the world around you is in “ascent mode,” but you’ve fallen and your not sure you can get back up again. Life has lost its luster. It’s hard to get up in the morning and face another grinding day of deep emotional fear, sadness, and loss.

You are not alone. There is hope. There are a few proven pathways for recovery which we can follow.

Recovery groups. Don’t allow yourself to isolate. Isolation is the enemy of recovery. There are recovery groups for every kind of loss and suffering, and you can find them online. In-person groups are best for some, but online groups are easy to find and they can save your life.

Therapy. Find a good therapist, either in-person or online. There are some very reputable online therapy groups which gained popularity during the pandemic. They are usually more affordable. You can also find free online therapy groups as well, if financial considerations are an issue.

Nature. It’s good for what ails you. Connect with nature daily. Even if its stepping outside to feel the breeze and breath some fresh air. A walk in the woods has healing power as you connect with God and nature.

Meditation. Learning the practice of mindfulness meditation is a pathway of healing, restoration, and awakening. Contact me if you are interested in learning more about this practice.

Journaling. You can combine journaling with prayer and meditation. Dump your thoughts and emotions onto the page. It’s a type of therapy which you can practice on your own.

I remember reading a poem by Rudyard Kipling when I was a teenager called “If.” I have revisited it many times throughout my life, and there is always something in it which resonates with me. Here are few lines from the poem:

If you can dream—and not make dreams

   your master;

If you can think—and not make

   thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and

   disaster

And treat those two impostors just the

   same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve

   spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for

   fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to

   broken,

And stoop and build ‘em up with

   wornout tools;

If you can force your heart and nerve and

   sinew

To serve your turn long after they are

   gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in

   you

Except the Will which says to them:

   “Hold on”;

Granted, if you read the whole poem, you realize Kipling is talking about a human being that doesn’t exist. No one goes through life as an emotional stoic. It’s not even healthy. We are far too driven by the most ancient part of our brain—the amygdala—which is the fight, flight, freeze part of our brain. We need to learn to identify and process our emotions for optimal health and healing. But the poem does hold out some virtues to which we can aspire. If we loosen our grip on our ego, let go, and fall into a Big Love, then our broken hearts can find a foothold in the harshest of conditions. We can heal. We can recover. “No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84).

The speed of recovery (sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly) is not the focus of recovery. Recovery is a lifestyle—a way of living which enhances our own recovery and the recovery of others. Through our deeper connection with self, others who have experienced the same kind of suffering and loss, and our higher power, we find our hope and healing. It’s progress, not perfection.

Have a blessed New Year of health and recovery!

Shalom

©realfredherron, 2023