Humility

Listen: “Change” by Tracy Chapman

Humility is one of the most misunderstood character traits in the pantheon of virtues. Some people have rejected humility as a virtue because they fear humility is exhibited by groveling before others, thinking of others as better than oneself, and nurturing a negative self-concept. Some people prefer to embrace a more positive affirmation of themselves; one that affirms their own inherent value, dignity, worth, giftedness, and potential. Usually people who reject humility are reacting against a faulty concept of humility. True humility is at the heart of spiritual transformation.

For this reason, we need to dive into the concept and nuances of the virtue of humility. If you do a word study on humility (Hebrew, Greek, and Latin roots), you will find that humility is rooted in humus, earth, ground, and lowliness. So the question becomes, “Lowly or grounded in relation to what?” What is the contrast? Historically, the contrast is with the super-inflated ego. The super-inflated ego is arrogant, independent, narcissistic, and grandiose. Everything and everybody exists to serve the super-inflated ego. So in contrast to the super-inflated ego, a person who embraces humility is embracing a virtue of loving connectedness verses self-serving independence.

It’s important to note, there is an error in the opposite direction. Some people have embraced a false humility. They down-size their ego too far in the opposite direction. They embrace a view of self that wallows in self-pity, self-hatred, and self-loathing. Shame and self-flagellation become an upside-down version of the super-inflated ego in which narcissism still reigns supreme. It’s a weird trick of the ego which grounds our identity in our own self-focused ills.

In the recovery community, you hear the term “right-sized” as a description of the virtue of humility. This captures the importance of the middle ground between super-inflated and super-deflated ego. According to Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, “Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps” (“Step Seven,” p. 70). This is an important insight. Humility is a vital companion virtue with surrender, gratitude and the vulnerability of a moral inventory, confession, amends, and service to others.

For example, how can we practice gratitude without the understanding that much of life is a gift which we receive? Some of the most beautiful moments in life, love, and beauty come to us as a surprising gift (instead of something we have earned or achieved which may serve to inflate our ego), like the gift of a singing bird, a sunrise, or the unconditional love of your dog. We humbly bow before the sunrise and give thanks for the gift of a new day, the gift of life itself.

Humans love to maintain an illusion of control. If we can perform the right set of behaviors, control the people and circumstances around us, and even manipulate the gods or universe through prayers and religious duties to act on our behalf, then we can achieve the desired outcomes for our grandiose vision. The only problem: we are not in control. Humility helps us admit our powerlessness and lack of control. When we surrender to God or the Universe, our ego becomes “right-sized,” and we radically accept reality with appropriate self-awareness, self-compassion, honesty, and vulnerability. Only in humble surrender do we find the importance of loving connection with self, others, and something greater than ourselves.

For many people around the world, December is rooted in the celebration of Christmas. Retailers seek to capitalize on this month of consumer-oriented giving of gifts, but some people turn their focus to Jesus. Jesus is an interesting figure in world history because of his critique of power and imperialism. Jesus advocated for a humble lifestyle of loving service towards others. Love God. Love your neighbor. And even the radical idea: Love your enemy (which takes all kinds of humility and forgiveness, even while advocating for justice nonviolently).

One time a couple of Jesus’ disciples were contending for positions of honor and power at some future date when Jesus became the new imperial leader (revealing their complete misunderstanding of Jesus’ mission). Jesus said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant….” Jesus then spoke of himself: “For even the son of man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25-28; NLT).

In one of the most famous, ancient Christmas songs which the Apostle Paul recorded in Philippians 2:5-8, Paul encourages us to have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had—one of surrender to God and humble service towards others. Humility is at the heart of the first Christmas story. In our recovery of loving connection, let’s embrace this beautiful virtue which lies at the heart of Christmas.

Shalom

©realfredherron, 2022