Cultural Illusions
Listen: “The Cave” by Mumford & Sons
Control is largely an illusion. It’s an illusion to which we love to cling. The illusion of control makes us feel like we are large and in charge. We like to think we have control over other people, events, and circumstances. In fact, we can be addicted to control because of the false narratives it feeds our brain. One important component of recovery and spirituality is “letting go” and accepting the things we cannot change. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
I have never considered myself a controlling personality type. Even in leadership, I majored on leading through vision, inspiration, and grace-based gifting. I always had an aversion to leadership based in control, guilt, and manipulation. However, I still find myself finding comfort in the illusion of control, even if it’s the sense of control that comes from daily routines that I create for myself.
The truth is: we control very little in this life. This truth was recently illustrated to me as I traveled in Ethiopia (my first trip to Ethiopia was almost twenty years ago). I have grown to love Ethiopia; its people; and its history. However, after a few days in Ethiopia, I begin to realize how culturally conditioned I am to a sense of control.
There are so many cultural differences between Kansas City and Addis Ababa (the capitol of Ethiopia)—the language, the food, the history, the people, and the music stand out immediately. I love these cultural differences, but sometimes they expose my illusion of control with which I live and function. I will comment on three cultural differences that expose my illusion of control.
Making plans. All of us make plans that fall apart. After making several trips to Ethiopia, I realize that plans in Ethiopia change on a daily basis (certainly more frequently than I have become accustomed). Two reasons I have noticed: (1) infrastructure issues like the internet, roads, and utility services regularly interrupt plans because they aren’t as smooth and reliable as I have grown accustomed (for example, electricity shuts down frequently); and (2) Ethiopians are more family and group oriented in their decision making. Therefore, plans can change daily based on the input of many people. Constant change in plans can make me feel edgy and out of control. Even the best made plans with well thought out contingencies can fall apart anywhere in the world. How many plans fell apart when the pandemic hit? How can we foresee illness, injury, economic markets, mechanical or system failures, or broken dreams? Strategic planning is an important skill for life and business, but it gives us an illusion of control of which we are sometimes unaware.
Food service. This may seem silly, and it is. But it still exposes my illusion of control. I have noticed in Ethiopia that ordering food and serving food takes two to three times longer than I have grown accustomed (and this is true most places in the world outside of America). In Ethiopia, when you order from the menu, the item you pick is a discussion opener. Most of the time the item ordered creates a conversation about what you really want or what will really be served to you. It can take a long time to order. Then it takes a long time to get what you ordered. Many times it takes so long I think the servers or the kitchen have forgotten about my order. Do I have any control over how fast my food is served unless I’m serving it in my own house?
Travel. Driving in Ethiopia is an extreme sport. It’s like four wheeling with more obstacles than just the terrain. If you think potholes are bad in your city, just drive around in Ethiopia and you will have a new appreciation for your local road crews. Even highways can be full of potholes every four hundred meters. Also, roads are not for cars only. People use roads and highways like sidewalks. Kids regularly play in the streets. All the roads and highways serve as pathways for goats, donkeys, and cows that are herded and driven on the roads. So when you are driving you are constantly dodging goats, donkeys, cows, people, and potholes. Ethiopians are so used to it, they don’t think about it. It’s normal for them. It takes an American like me to observe and comment about the situation for the Ethiopian driver to realize the humor I find in the adventure. I don’t know what the fatality rates are on Ethiopian roads, but I am surprised I haven’t witnessed more accidents. Ethiopian drivers are amazing at navigating the obstacles in the road. The part that affects my illusion of control is how long it takes to get anywhere. Throw traffic jams into it, and I can find myself feeling frustrated and out of control on the roads in Ethiopia.
Don’t misunderstand me. These cultural differences are not a matter of right or wrong, good or bad. I love cross-cultural experiences. I love the differences. I love to travel and immerse myself in the people. I travel to connect with the people and culture far more than visiting tourist sites.
The point I am trying to make is how culture differences can expose my need for or sense of control. When things don’t go according to my expectations, I can get edgy, angry, and agitated. I can lose my sh*t and my serenity.
Learning to let go and let God is a daily practice. By relinquishing control, trusting in my higher power, and practicing gratitude in the moment, I can regain my sense of peace and serenity. It’s process for me—learning to live in the moment with gratitude—instead of constantly wanting to change what is, or speed up what is not.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2021
