Running Up That Hill
Listen: “Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)” by Kate Bush
In 2019, which was my darkest year on record, I was listening to Alt Nation on Sirius XM. A song was played called “Running Up That Hill” performed by Meg Myers which caught my attention. I vaguely recognized the song as something I had heard before, but the depth of Meg’s emotion communicated through her vocals really captured me. I started listening to the song on repeat, and it drew me into an emotional space which seemed to echo my own feelings of emotional pain, relational betrayal, and the struggle for hope and healing.
The song was originally written and recorded by English singer/songwriter Kate Bush in 1985. It’s original release reached number three on the UK Singles Chart and number thirty on the Billboard Hot 100. What’s so fascinating to me is its current resurgence. In May of 2022, the song gained renewed attention because it was prominently featured in the fourth season of Stranger Things. The song has re-entered the charts and sits at number one in the UK, Australia, Belgium, Ireland, Lithuania, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Sweden, and Switzerland. In the United States, it reached number four on the Billboard Hot 100 (June 20, 2022).
After listening to Meg Myers’ cover on repeat in 2019, I revisited the original by Kate Bush. For me to listen to a song multiple times, I have to love the music; but it’s the lyrics which ultimately keep me returning to a song again and again. The lyrics of “Running Up That Hill” connected with me on multiple levels.
Emotional pain. Physical pain due to illness or injury can certainly lead to emotional pain. I have always done a lot of endurance exercise; it’s like therapy for me. When I injure myself and can’t do my endurance cycling, I can find myself feeling depressed. Chronic physical pain can impact our emotional well-being as well. However, there is nothing quite like the trauma associated with relational wreckage. Broken relationships with parents, partners, spouses, children, friends, and co-workers can be debilitating. In her song, Kate Bush expresses the depths of relational pain:
You don’t want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware I’m tearing you asunder,
Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts
Is there so much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?
Changing places. Probably the phrase from the song which most captured my attention was from the chorus:
And if I could,
I’d make a deal with God,
And I’d get him to swap our places
Wow. Make a deal with God. I’ve always thought you can’t make deals with God, but I have often wished I could. Switching places with someone could be incredibly healing and insightful. Maybe all the hurts, divisions, judgments, and hatred could melt away if we could switch places. How much emotional pain could be healed if we could switch places with someone we have wounded or with someone who has wounded us? It’s so easy to get trapped in our own trauma and versions of the truth. We seldom have enough empathy or listening skills to see the world through someone else’s eyes or some else’s pain, especially when we are hurting.
Struggle for hope and healing. Hope, healing, and forgiveness don’t come easy. They are hard fought battles. Do you want to be a bitter, angry person? Or do you want to be a person who lives into beauty, love, forgiveness, and grace? I consistently choose against bitterness, which means I consistently choose to forgive both myself and others. When you go through deep relational pain and hardship, it’s easy to get trapped into the blame game of whose right, whose wrong, and who needs to pay. Vengeance is never the answer. More violence does not heal violence. More pain dished out to our abuser or to ourselves does not heal our pain, forgiveness does that. But it’s a battle. The struggle for hope and healing in the words of Kate Bush:
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
Say, if I only could, oh…
If I only could
Be running up that hill
With no problems…
It calls to mind the closing paragraph of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 164:
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to God and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
Shalom
©realfredherron, 2022
