Murder, Misfits, and Forgiveness

Listen: “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails

On Tuesday, June 28, 2022 my sister’s nephew, Taylor Hawkins, 31, was shot and killed in Platte County Missouri. Celeste Hawkins, Taylor’s mom, is my brother-in-law Lynn Hawkins’ sister. I grew up in Platte County with the Hawkins. We went to school and church together. Lynn Hawkins married my sister Shelly Herron-Hawkins over thirty years ago and I officiated their wedding. I have known Taylor Hawkins his whole life and had the privilege of baptizing Taylor several years ago. Celeste asked my to speak at Taylor’s Celebration of Life service which was held Saturday, July 9, 2022.

Taylor is remembered for his love of music and friends. When Taylor was a student in Platte City schools, he wore a skater-style haircut, dove into the skate scene, and avidly listened to music. He learned how to play drums and guitar and was passionate about Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Primus, and Tool.

Taylor also cared deeply for his friends and brought people together through music and his love for people. There were times when Taylor struggled with mental health issues and felt isolated, like he didn’t belong. It was beautiful to see his friends show up at his Celebration of Life service and express their love and sadness for Taylor’s sudden death.

I shared a couple of thoughts with friends and family who gathered at the Celebration of Life service. My first thought was expressed beautifully when Cassidy Sledd, Taylor’s cousin, performed the song “Hurt,” originally written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. Many people are familiar with the cover that Johnny Cash performed on this song. The first time I heard this song I was moved to listen to it on repeat. It’s a song to which every person who has faced personal demons can related, especially those who have wrestled with addiction and mental health issues. But the song transcends those issues. The song becomes an emotional tribute to the hurt and pain which all people face as human beings. This world is full of hurt, suffering, and loss, and we need to support each other, especially in our darkest moments.

The second thought I shared was about the experience of feeling like a misfit. I know Taylor felt alone and isolated at times in his life, like he was an outsider, watching others live life but not feeling included himself. I can certainly relate to this feeling, especially the last three years of my life. Based on my pastoral counseling experience, I am guessing that most people have felt this way at some point in their lives.

Several weeks ago (Spiritualityadventures.com; March 28, 2022), I published a blog entitled “Misfits.” Because Taylor was baptized as a follower of Jesus, I found it comforting to acknowledge that one of the things we admire about Jesus was his love for the outsider, the marginalized, the outcast, and the misfit. Jesus went out of his way to connect, love, serve, befriend, and include the misfits of his day.

In Jesus’ day, religious people were focused on what was “clean” and “unclean” and tried to live a clean, pure life by not getting contaminated by people or things that were unclean. People were considered unclean if they had certain physical diseases, emotional illnesses, or physical disabilities. Gentiles (people who were not Jewish) were considered unclean as well. So, in order to be pure, you wouldn’t touch, hangout, or have a meal with anyone who was unclean. Even foods were categorized as “clean” or “unclean.” Odd animals, like fish without scales or birds which can’t fly, were considered “unclean.” No oddballs or misfits allowed! Jesus challenged this culture and believed that grace-based love and inclusion would cleanse and heal. In my blog, I wrote:

Jesus dismantled the ritual purity culture rung by rung. He taught that purity is a condition of the heart—a heart filled with love and grace—it’s not something unclean from outside the body which contaminates the body (Mark 7:20-23). According to Philip Yancey, “In essence, Jesus canceled the cherished principle of the Old Testament, No Oddballs Allowed, replacing it with a new rule of grace: ‘We’re all oddballs, but God loves us anyhow’” (What’s So Amazing About Grace, p. 153).

I resonate with that. We’re all oddballs, but God loves us anyhow. We need to practice the same love towards one another. We need each other. We are not alone.

Finally, I focused on the senseless violence that ended Taylor’s life much too soon. We live in a country in which senseless gun violence is escalating at a alarming rate. America is serving up a toxic cocktail of shocking violence. The violent cocktail is stirred with anger, hatred, rage, domestic violence, mental illness, and the availability assault weapons and guns. I am guessing that Taylor, at some point, would have considered the person who killed him to be a friend (just a guess on my part). As Kate Bush asks in her now classic and resurgent song, “Running Up That Hill,” “Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me, we both matter, don’t we?”

It’s here that I think about the way of Jesus again. Jesus was a pacifist. He advocated non-violent civil disobedience as a pathway for dealing with systemic injustice. He also taught forgiveness as the pathway for healing. Some of Jesus’ most famous and challenging teachings land in this category. “Turn the other cheek. Love your enemy.” This is never easy. It’s much harder than shouting an obscenity, saying vicious words, or pulling a trigger.

Violence will never heal violence. More violence only multiplies violence. Anger, hatred, and revenge only end up propagating more violence. Hatred can never heal a broken heart. Vengeance can never bring a body back to life. Resentment, bitterness, and hatred only poison and kill the heart of the person harboring it. We are made for love, not hate.

We long for truth and justice in the face of injustice. But that’s only part of the issue. The lingering issue even after justice is served: What will heal the human heart? I think Jesus was crystal clear on this point. Forgiveness will heal the human heart. Let’s remember that when Jesus was being tortured to death by crucifixion, he was an innocent victim. While hanging on the cross, Jesus uttered: “Father, forgive them.” We all need to give and receive forgiveness. Forgiveness can heal the human heart.

Forgiveness and grace-based community—we need each other.

Shalom

©realfredherron, 2022