Mindfulness meditation: Sweet Emotions {part 3 of 6}

Listen: “Head Above Water” by Avril Lavigne

We all live our lives on a rollercoaster of emotions. When we have pleasant emotions, we scheme of ways to get them to stay. When we have unpleasant emotions, we think of ways to get them to go away.

For decades I spent my life trying to battle, fight, conquer, suppress, and defeat my unpleasant emotions. Without my awareness, I had been unduly influenced by an ancient Greek perspective on emotions which taught that emotions can’t be trusted. Many of the ancient Greek philosophers and writers believed that powerful emotions were the direct working of evil spirits dwelling in the soul (Homer, Xenocrates, and Euripides, for example, see chapter three “The Philosophy of Pathos” in The Prophets by Abraham Joshua Heschel). Even the Apostle Paul at times equates certain pleasant emotions to the “fruit of the Spirit” and unpleasant emotions like outbursts of anger to the “desires of your sinful nature” which need to be fought against (Galatians 5:19-23).

The best of modern psychology and studies in neuroscience reveal that suppressing emotions is not the best approach to human health and flourishing. Emotions are not evil; they are a part of the human experience. It’s important to normalize the entire spectrum of human emotions. We can easily slip into unhealthy attempts to avoid, numb, or suppress our unpleasant emotions in order to get rid of them. This approach is ineffective and backfires in the long run. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball under water indefinitely. It eventually explodes back to the surface. Marc Brackett is the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and I highly recommend his book Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive. Brackett’s research demonstrates the importance of learning how to recognize, name, and allow our emotions as an important beginning to understanding and regulating our emotions.

When it comes to unpleasant emotions and circumstances: What we resist persists. We all experience waves of emotions throughout our lives. Like waves in the ocean, our emotions rise and fall. They don’t last forever. If we constantly push away our emotions, we end up with an iceberg of emotions hidden beneath the surface of our consciousness. These buried emotions will often exert unwanted influences on our mental health and behaviors.

Sometimes our desire to push away our emotions was taught to us by our authority figures. You might take a moment and reflect on what range of emotions was allowed in your family while you were growing up. What emotions were allowed in your family? What emotions were not allowed? What range of emotions is okay with you today? Most people judge themselves when they have certain emotions which they perceive as unwanted or even evil. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel a certain way and judge ourselves for having normal human emotions. The best approach is to recognize and allow our emotions to rise and fall without judging. Instead, be curious, open, compassionate, and non-judgmental towards the whole spectrum of our emotions.

When you sit for a quiet meditation, learn to observe your emotions. Be curious about your own emotions. Recognize them and explore them. Notice how your emotions reside in your body. Where do you feel your emotions in your body? Then, be loving and kind to yourself. No feeling is final. Walter Mischel is known for the famous “Marshmallow Test” which he conducted with children. He would present a child with a marshmallow and give them a choice: Eat this marshmallow now or wait and enjoy two later. He would leave the room and then watch their response by video camera. It’s hilarious. Some children turn away and don’t look at it. Some smell it or lick it, but try not to eat it. Some nibble at the marshmallow, but don’t eat the whole thing. Some eat the marshmallow instantly.

Meditation can help us explore all the emotions we experience in life. Without being critical of our emotions, we can learn to explore them, smell them, and lick them like a kid with a marshmallow. Through daily practice in meditation, we can become skilled in emotional intelligence. American poet, Danna Faulds, credits the practice of meditation with giving her reliable access to a vivid inner life of creativity. Her poem “Allow” captures the essence of emotional intelligence:

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.

Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.

Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.

The only safety lies in letting it all in—

the wild and the weak—

fear, fantasies, failures, and success.

When loss rips off the doors of the heart

or sadness veils your vision with despair,

practice becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your known way of being,

the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.

Shalom

©realfredherron, 2024